


Nephilim

by agrove



Series: Nephilim [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angel Spike, Angels, Dark Angel - Freeform, Death, Demons, Drama, F/M, Fluff, God - Freeform, Heaven, Humor, Love, Mates, Pain, Romance, Sex, Tattoos, Wings, fangs, feathers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-08-07 06:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 38,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7703815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agrove/pseuds/agrove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. When a strange man with eyes as black as night and the face of an angel falls from the heavens, Buffy must help guide him to unforgiving darkness or eternal light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was a typical Friday night, or as typical as a Friday night slaying vampires could be. Buffy was walking through the graveyard alone thinking about how Willow, Xander, and even Cordelia were probably partying the night away at the Bronze. They had offered to tag along, but of course selfless Buffy didn't want them to waste away precious weekend time.

"Come on, come on…" Buffy muttered as she had impatiently been waiting for this particular vampire to rise all evening.

She looked to the sky; the moon was shining brightly as there were no clouds to block its gentle beams. She picked at her fingernails, smoothed down her short, light pink skirt and raked her fingers through her hair.

"This is ridiculous," she muttered hopping off of the headstone that had been her seat all evening.

"I agree Slayer," said the voice from a few feet behind her. She turned to look at the fledging; he was baring his teeth and growling softly. He began to circle her menacingly.

"Finally! I was getting worried you weren't going to show, don't you know it's rude to keep a girl waiting?" Buffy replied.

The vampire quickly lunged at the small girl thinking about his easy meal. He was startled a second later when he realized his face was smashed into the freshly cut grass on the cemetery floor. He flipped over and tried to lunge again but was tripped by a fashionable high-heeled shoe.

"Oops, my bad," Buffy stated as she plunged the stake she was holding into the back of the vampire. She straightened up and dusted the vamp dust off of her clothes and resumed her patrol. An hour later she realized that there probably weren't any more vamps to slay tonight and began her short walk home.

'Maybe Willow and Xander are still at the bronze' she thought but was startled out of her musings by a large clap of thunder. "That's strange," she muttered to herself, "there were no clouds earlier." She looked up to find large, thick black clouds forming overhead. Not good.

"This is definitely not normal." She was getting nervous, vampires she could handle demons too but huge clouds black as ink appearing instantly, no way. She began walking faster as lightening started spreading through the sky. Suddenly a large clap of thunder caught her attention and she noticed something falling out of the sky at an alarming rate.

The object was hurdling for earth so fast that it was almost a blur; it cut through the air and disappeared into the trees surrounding the graveyard. The object hit the ground with amazing force, sending a shockwave through the grass and trees. The lightening cracked one more time across the blackened sky and with a final great clap of thunder the clouds disappeared and everything returned to the serene silence on the night.

"I swear, why do these things always happen when I'm alone?" Buffy questioned as she debated whether to go and see what had just literally fell from the sky. Her slayer instincts and curiosity won in the end and she jogged over to the spot the object had landed. When she arrived the sight took her breath away.

Exactly ten feet in front of her was a crater at least twenty feet wide and extremely deep. She could feel the heat coming off of the ground and noticed the smoldering remains of bushes scattered around the huge hole. It wasn't the crater that took her breath away though; it was the sound of a groan coming from the exact center. She kept her distance and held her stake high ready for whatever it was to attack. When she realized that it wasn't moving she slowly crept forward staying on alert.

When she reached the center of the crater she gasped, it was the only sound that could be heard on the night air other than the sound of her stake hitting the smoldering dirt beneath her feet.

"Oh my God," she whispered as she raised her hands to cover her mouth at the horror in front of her. It was a man, a man that had fallen from above. He was laying in the fetal position and was covered in dirt and black ash. His body was trembling and his eyes were closed. He had cuts and bruises all over his body from what she could see and a large gash in the back of his head. She crouched down and extended a hand to touch the man but drew back at the last moment. 'I need Giles,' she thought and ran into the night.

With Giles in tow the two arrived at the spot of the crater relatively quickly. "I swear Giles he just fell from the sky and there were these black clouds, and I didn't know what to do…" she said, tears sliding down her cheeks, guilt for leaving the man or creature weighing heavily on her.

"I don't doubt you Buffy but we need to find out if he's still alive, where he came from, and why he is here. You did nothing wrong," he stated as he followed his slayer into the woods.

When they reached the spot of impact Giles was left speechless, "My lord…" he said as he began wiping his glasses furiously. He had heard Buffy's description but this was just astonishing.

"Hurry Giles he still hasn't moved," Buffy said shakily.

"Yes, yes of course," he replied trotting down the hill until he reached the center of the crater. The man was still lying perfectly still except for the small tremble here and there.

"Can you hear me sir, what is your name?" Giles asked the figure and frowned when he received no response.

"Well let's try to get him to my home and we'll go from there. We'll call the others when we arrive." Giles and Buffy stood on opposite sides of the man and gently raised him to his feet. They pulled his arms over their shoulders and slowly made there way to Giles' small beat up car. The laid him softly in the front seat and started off for Giles' home.

Upon arriving Buffy and Giles got the man to Giles' guest bathroom and placed him in the tub.

"Lets get him cleaned up, assess his injuries, and then get him to rest," Giles said as he wiped a handkerchief across his brow. Dragging a man across town was quite taxing.

"I'll do it Giles, I found him. You go call the others."

"Are you quite sure, what if he wakes?"

"I'm fine Giles, really. Go call the others," Buffy pleaded looking at him with a soft, pleading expression. He met her gaze with a furrowed brow and reluctantly turned and shut the bathroom door excusing himself to make the calls. Buffy turned her attention back to the man. She began removing his clothing one piece at a time. The material and design were strange, 'must be hand made' she thought as she placed them on the bathroom floor. She then started a warm bath and began to wash the layers of dirt from his skin. When she reached his torso and began scrubbing the dirt and grime away she froze. She furrowed her brow and looked closer at the dirt that was not coming off the mans skin. Finally she realized that it was not dirt but tattoos that were covering almost every inch of his torso, the sides of his neck, and his arms. It looked like writing but she didn't know what type it was. When she leaned him forward to wash his back she screamed and fell back. It took a minute for her mind to settle itself before she reached forward again and looked at his back again. There was tattoos covering his entire back but it was the huge ugly gashes that caught her attention. Directly over each shoulder blade was a vertical ten inch gash. The wounds were open and bleeding with what looked like bone protruding slightly. She gently cleaned the area and finished cleaning the man.

"Giles!" she shouted. "I'm done lets get him to bed," she yelled.

"Yes, how is…. My God what are those markings?" he questioned as he took in the sight of the man still passed out in his bathtub.

"I'm not sure but his back is bad, like really bad Giles," Buffy said as she tried to lift him. Giles rushed over and helped her lift him and looked at his back.

"We'll have to stitch those closed otherwise I'm afraid he'll continue to lose blood."

After stitching the man up and laying him in the bed Giles left the room to meet the others that were gathered in his kitchen.

"Are you coming Buffy?"

"In just a minute Giles," Buffy stated. When Giles left the room Buffy stared at the man in the bed. She took in his appearance slowly. He has soft black hair that seemed to stand up on end on its own even though it was in slight disarray. His pale skin was perfect with no blemishes anywhere. He had a strong jaw and high cheekbones. He was a very attractive man. He was the picture of perfection, his chest and abs were sculpted and his back was strong. He had to be around 6' 3" because he towered over her and Giles both.

"Who are you?" she said softly to herself as she caressed his cheek. She stood slowly and with one final glance she started for the door. As her hand touched the handle she barely heard the reply to her question.

"Liam… my name… is Liam."

She gasped and turned quickly to look at the figure in the bed. Did she just imagine that? He had not moved and his eyes were still closed. She walked over to the bed and touched his hand. His fingers moved slightly in her small hand and he turned his head to look at her. He opened his eyes but everything was blurry. All he could tell was that there was a small woman speaking to him.

"Wh..what?"

"Liam. My name is Liam," he repeated softly. She looked at his black and seemingly endless eyes, they were amazing. She stared at him, mesmerized by the shining black pools that were trying to focus on her. She had seen eyes so dark they appeared black before but these eyes were truly the deepest black she had ever seen.

"What are you?" she asked. 'Wow, great question Buffy, rude much?' she thought to herself as the question slipped past her lips.

At first she thought he had fallen back asleep, the minutes ticking by. She was beginning to stand up to let him rest when she heard the reply that shook her to her very core.

"I am…. I was…." He coughed and took a deep shuddering breath.

"I was…. an angel."


	2. Chapter 2

Buffy walked to Giles' living room in a daze, her conversation with the strange man still playing in her head. As she reached the group they fell silent, alarmed by her dazed expression.

"Buffy, are you alright?" Giles asked.

She finally snapped out of her trance like state to stare into the worried gazes of the Scooby Gang. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. She was still having a hard time grasping that the man upstairs was an angel. Sure she knew heaven and hell existed but to hear evidence was beyond what her mind could grasp.

Giles whispered, "Buffy…"

"He woke up, for a moment," she started.

Giles eyebrows raised and he began polishing his glasses furiously, "Di…Did he speak to you?"

"He said his name was Liam, and that he was an…" I can't believe I'm going to say this, "He said he used to be an angel."

If not for the seriousness of the situation Buffy would have laughed. For once everyone was so quite that the only noise in the room came from the cars on the street below. Xander and Willow were staring at her with shock, Giles looked like a wide eyed fish, and even Cordelia has stilled; her nail file clutched so tightly in her hand Buffy thought for sure it would snap in two.

The silence went on for a few more moments before Buffy decided she couldn't take it anymore, "Someone say something because I'm feeling a little wigged right now."

"Yes… yes, of course. I've never heard of… of an angel being on our plane since long, long ago. Are you quite certain he wasn't lying to you, or perhaps… um… delusional?"

Buffy shrugged, "He did have that gash on his head but Giles he fell from the sky. Considering he's not a little green man I don't see what else he could be."

"Maybe he's a flying demon." Everyone in the room slowly turned to look at Xander. They were silently gaping at his words before Cordelia reached over and smacked him in the back of his head. "Or not…" he grumbled massaging the now sore spot.

The gang continued to speak about the strange occurrence until well into the early morning. Finally Giles stood and addressed the others; "None of us will be of any use if we are exhausted. Thankfully it's the weekend so we can meet again later. I suggest everyone heads home and we will meet up at a later time."

Everyone stood and stretched; quite yawns could be heard throughout the group.

"Bye Giles, see you later."

"Bye G-man."

"Finally, I better not have circles under my eyes tomorrow."

Giles turned to his young charge, "Buffy are you going home?"

"If it's ok can I just crash here? That way I'll be here when he wakes up."

"If you insist, there are blankets and pillows in the hall closet and you know where my room is if you should need anything. Sleep well Buffy."

"Night Giles."

As she retrieved the items and settled on the couch her mind couldn't get away from the man upstairs. For some reason she felt the need to help the man in the other room. Being the slayer she didn't trust many people but she felt like she could trust him. There was something about him that just seemed to pull her in. Finally sleep came to her and she fell into a dreamless slumber.

She awoke to the sound of Giles' coffee maker and the rustling of a newspaper. She stiffly stood up and entered the kitchen, gave Giles a small smile, and poured herself a large cup of the thick brew.

"I thought you didn't drink coffee?"

He peered at her over the top of the paper, "I don't, that's for you. I've seen you enough times to know the last thing I want to deal with is a just woken up slayer with no caffeine."

Buffy smiled but it faded quickly into a thoughtful frown, "Have you checked on our guest this morning?"

"I thought I would leave that to you."

"No time like the present." She hopped off the counter she had been perched on and made her way to Giles' guest room. Here goes nothing, she though as she slowly pushed open the door.

The room was dark but enough sunlight filtered through the blinds that she could see clearly. She made her way over to the bed cautiously and looked down at the still sleeping man. He really was beautiful. She lowered her hand to gently touch his face and jerked when a large strong hand caught her wrist. She snapped her gaze to his face where he was staring at her with an intense stare. He slowly uncurled his fingers from her small wrist and muttered his apologies before slowly sitting up and rubbing his eyes with the butts of his palms. Finally he looked at who had woken him.

Standing before him was the most beautiful picture of innocence he had ever seen. Long golden locks fell against her tanned skin. Bright green eyes gave way to a small nose followed by full lips. She was petite but had a strength about her. She looked like a goddess. They stared at each other for a few more minutes before Buffy finally blinked and shook her self out of her daze. "So, your um… awake now. There's clothes over here for you and just come down when you're done." She then rushed from the room, slammed the door shut and leaned against it trying to find the strength to stand. The look he had been giving her had made her knees weak and her insides quiver. She blew out a steady breath and walked downstairs to inform Giles that Liam was awake.

A short time later Liam appeared in the kitchen. He stood watching the small girl and an older man converse quietly. Realizing he must have been quieter than he realized he cleared his throat. They both jumped so high he was surprised they didn't hit the ceiling. When they turned their startled eyes to him he was wearing an amused but unsure smile. "Uh…Hello."

Giles blew out a shaky breath, stood and walked over to grab another mug for the man. "Yes, good morning. I don't think we've been introduced, I'm Rupert Giles." He shook the mans hand, "It's good to see you up and about, can I get you something to eat?"

Liam's small smile dropped as his face became blank. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before just staring at Giles. Buffy had a quizzical expression as she waited for him to answer. When it was apparent that Liam wasn't going to say anything, she looked at Giles and raised her eyebrows sending the silent message, ask again.

Giles cleared his throat, "I have coffee, tea, scones, and some dreadful American cereal…"

Buffy straightened in her chair, "Captain Crunch is not dreadful."

"Hardly the point; Liam are you hungry?"

Liam met both their eyes before finally responding, "I… I'm not sure." Now it was the other two occupants in the room that adopted blank expressions. Liam rubbed the back of his neck and sheepishly said, "It's been a long while since I've eaten or experienced hunger. You don't need to eat when you're Home, Father takes care of you."

Giles eyes met Buffy's before he asked, "What is 'Home' and who is your father?"

Liam shrugged, "You know… Home. I guess you would call it Heaven. Father, I suppose your word for him would be God." He carefully watched their expressions as he spoke. For a reason unknown to him he didn't want to scare the beautiful girl sitting at the table in front of him. As for the man he wasn't sure if he was a threat or an ally at this point.

Giles' eyes narrowed as Liam spoke of heaven and God, this was not something that one hears on an everyday basis on the hell mouth. He was having a hard time believing this man or whatever he was. When he had first walked into the kitchen and gotten his and Buffy's attention it had alarmed Giles how quietly Liam moved. When he turned to see him he also realized just how big this man was; he could over power him easily and maybe harm his slayer. He was very tall, and his shoulders were nearly as wide as the doorframe. He was wearing a plain white t-shirt and black track pants, the only things Giles had that would fit him. He also noticed that Liam's hair and eyes were pitch black and realized that this was definitely not anything human.

"I suppose I'll need you to start at the beginning. I'll get you some coffee, and some dreadf…" he trailed off as Buffy's eyebrows shot up in an accusing manner. "Some cereal and you can eat to see if you feel better afterwards."

Liam shrugged and went and sat down at the table next to Buffy. She looked over him; he looked much healthier than last night but could see that his bandages would need changed soon. "I'll change your bandages after breakfast."

He met her eyes and gave her a small smile, "Thanks."

Giles placed the coffee and cereal bowl in front of Liam and sat down at the table in full watcher mode waiting for Liam to start his tale. Liam looked at the cereal and slowly lifted the spoon to his mouth, when it met his taste buds his eye suddenly grew wide and a huge smile spread across his face. "Wow this is so good," he mumbled through the cereal he was shoveling into his face.

Buffy started to laugh, "See nothing dreadful about it, just sugary goodness."

Liam nodded enthusiastically and finished off the bowl of cereal even drinking every last drop of milk out of the bowl. He took a deep breath and sipped his coffee before meeting Giles with a level stare. "Ok, what do you want to know?"


	3. Chapter 3

Giles uncapped his pen and found a new sheet of paper in his well worn notebook, "I suppose we'll start with how you became a… an… well whatever you are."

Liam flashed Giles an amused smile finding it funny how uncomfortable this man was with the situation before his smile faded and his face became carefully blank. They didn't need to know how hard this was for him to talk about, to relive everything that had happened to him in his long existence. "I grew up in Ireland during the 1700s with my mother and her husband and daughter. My family was respected amongst the community, I on the other hand was not." Liam met Buffy's eyes and continued on, "I was a poor excuse for a mortal; I drank and slept around, I was lazy and cruel. Where others felt compelled to contribute and care for one another I felt no such feelings. On the night of May 21, 1753 it caught up with me. I had been drinking that night and found a lass I was quite fond of, only problem was she was married. When he found us together he threw me into the street and beat me to a bloody pulp. Then…" he blew out a breath, "then he stabbed me through the heart. I bled to death in the middle of the street. Twenty six years old and I was dead." Liam shakily picked up his coffee cup and took a sip trying to not let his emotions take over. Giles was writing furiously and Buffy was staring at him with kind eyes encouraging him to continue.

"I wasn't aware I had died until I stood up and saw myself on the road with blood all around me. Before I could get too worked up about the entire situation a man approached me. He was older and looked extremely calm. He had an aura around him that just felt good, felt pure. Next thing I knew I was Home."

Buffy bit her lip silently debating if she should ask questions or just let him continue speaking. He seemed almost in a trance, like he was recounting someone else's life story. He had maintained eye contact with her this whole time barely acknowledging Giles' presence.

"So, does everyone that dies become an angel?"

Liam smiled at her and softly said, "No, only the chosen."

Giles took this moment to interrupt, "I assume you were one of the chosen?"

Liam rolled his shoulders feeling stiff and winced when he felt his back pull from his injuries. "Yes, I was chosen. Father chose my because I… Anyway all he said to me was that even though I was tainted, my soul was the one he had been searching for. Finally the day came when my training would begin but when he made me I was… different than the others."

Buffy quietly asked, "What do you mean different, what's normal?"

"How do you picture an angel?"

Buffy looked thoughtful, her eyes staring into nothingness as she painted a mental picture. "I guess like the pictures show them; long white robes, halos, blonde hair, blue eyes. Perfect?" She was graced with one of his perfect smiles for her answer.

"Exactly. Light and beautiful, divine. When I was made instead of everything lightening on me it darkened. My hair and eyes became black, and when my wings came in they also were different."

Giles rubbed his eyes, this was more information than he could absorb. "How were your wings different?" Then another thought came to him, "and where are they?"

Liam's eyes developed a red ring around the black and his mouth set into a firm line before the red faded and he adopted a pained expression. He silently stood and disappeared outside into the sunlight. "Why did you ask him that?" Buffy asked shrilly. She had thrown her hands up in the air after Liam left and was staring at Giles accusingly with her hands placed on her hips. "Even I know not to ask an angel how he lost his wings!" She stomped away leaving a flustered and guilty looking Giles behind her.

When she reached the backyard she found him sitting on the porch steps, his back to her. She quietly walked over to him noticing that his bandages were red, he was obviously bleeding through them. She ungracefully plopped down next to him and followed his stare that was focused on a small birds nest nestled in the lower branches of a tree. "Angel," she blushed. "Sorry, I mean Liam," all this talk of angels is getting to me. "Are you ok?"

He slowly turned to look at the petite blonde sitting next to him, "You can call me Angel, it seems right when you say it. To answer your question, I really don't know. Everything's changed so much in such a short period, and I'm just not ready to talk about everything yet."

"I get that. Hey, why don't you let me change your bandages then we can go out and get you some clothes and mess around. It might be good for you to be out…" she trailed off unsure if she was overstepping boundaries. She was relieved when he lifted his large hand and placed it over her small one, gently squeezing it. "That sounds great."

She slid her fingers between his and led him upstairs to the bathroom and looked for the bandages. He was sitting on the counter next to the sink patiently waiting for her to check his wounds. She slowly peeled away the blood soaked bandage from his head and was relieved to find that it was doing much better and wouldn't require any more attention. "Ok shirt off, I need to check your back."

He stilled, "That's ok I'm sure its fine." She placed a hand on his arm and looked into his eyes finding a mixture or fear, apprehension, and a hint of anger.

"No questions Angel, I just want to make sure you're alright."

He stared at her a moment longer before giving her a stiff silent nod. He slowly removed his shirt with Buffy's help, and sat as still as a statue waiting for her to finish. She grimaced when she looked at his back. These two wounds had not healed at all, they were still angry looking and slowly oozing blood. The stitches looked too tight and the skin around them was reaching the deep blue point of bruising. She gently rubbed a cotton ball across the gashes removing as much blood as possible before placing a bandage on each one and helping Angel into his shirt. She tried not to think that he had probably received these wounds from losing his wings, but it was difficult. She mentally shook herself and put on a cheerful face, "Let's go shopping!"


	4. Chapter 4

They had walked to the mall after Buffy shyly explained that after driving with her his hair would no longer be black but white. He had laughed out loud at that statement. When they got to the mall they shopped around for clothes for Angel. Much to her dismay he picked out clothes in dark colors, pretty much black, gray, and a few white shirts. "But Angel," she whined. "You have to have some color. Colors are fun, look at me. I'm fun, and wearing color. See they go together!"

He blessed her with a small grin, "I feel more comfortable in darker clothing." She muttered something under her breath before starting to walk again and found herself smashing into something hard and still. She began to fall before two large, strong hands shot out to grab her. She looked up and saw that Angel had stopped suddenly and while he had caught her gently his attention was focused elsewhere.

"What's that smell? It's amazing."

Buffy grinned as she regained her balance, "That would be pizza, and by the way you're drooling I'm going to guess you're hungry again."

He looked at her sheepishly, "Sorry. It's just so amazing, all these smells and different tastes. I haven't experienced anything good in a long time." He stopped abruptly realizing he had revealed more than he wanted to in that simple statement. He looked at Buffy to see if she had noticed the dark undercurrent of his words but she was already walking towards the pizza place. He silently breathed a sigh of relief and moved to follow her.

Buffy had a hard time keeping her face neutral as she listened to his words so she had turned to walk away. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable after his rough morning. She wondered how an angel in heaven didn't have it great everyday; everything should be good in heaven. She ordered for Angel and brought the pizza to a table and sat down. As soon as the pie had hit the table Angel had begun eating. She watched in amazement and mild disgust as he shoved piece after piece into his mouth with such excitement she thought he might burst. While he was eating with gusto Buffy took the opportunity to take in his appearance some more. She traced the lines of his face with her eyes taking in the small amount of stubble that had appeared. Her gaze drifted to his neck where the tattoos stuck out of his shirt, darkly contrasting with his marble skin. He noticed her gaze and slowly sat back in his chair wiping his mouth and debating whether he should explain or not.

"It's Enochian."

Her eyes shot to his surprised. A slow blush started to rise on her cheeks when she realized that she had been staring for a few minutes. "Sorry?"

"It's Enochian," he repeated.

"What does it say?"

He stood and extended his hand to help Buffy to her feet, "That, my beautiful friend, is a story for another day."

They walked towards Giles' house in a comfortable silence holding hands. Angel couldn't believe how quickly the day had gone by or how much he enjoyed Buffy's company. He knew he was here for a reason but when he was with the small blonde everything but her faded into the background. He looked sideways wondering what she was thinking about.

Buffy walked quietly thinking about the great day she had spent with Angel. She was falling fast and hard for this mysterious man. She was so relaxed and content walking with him that she failed to notice they were walking on the outskirts of a cemetery. She suddenly grew anxious and began quickening her pace. Angel noticed her sudden distress, "Hey what's wrong?"

"Oh nothing, jus thinking we should hurry to Giles'. I'm sure he has more to talk to you about."

"Right," Angel whispered unbelievingly.

Buffy was practically dragging him down the street when she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye. Please not right now. She debated running with Angel or staying to finish off her foe when the choice was made for her.

As soon as Angel had noticed her rigid stance and anxiety he began looking around for danger. If there was one thing he recognized, it was fear. He let her drag him down the street until he noticed someone making there way towards them. He jerked his hand from Buffy's and stood in front of her protectively. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he coiled himself, ready to attack. He could tell that whatever was moving towards them was not human and definitely evil.

Buffy grabbed Angel's arm and spun him around, "Don't ask questions just get behind me."

He looked at her quizzically, but did not move.

"Didn't you hear me? Get behind me now!" She shoved Angel to the ground behind her and pulled Mr. Pointy from her jacket pocket. The vampire was smiling at her from only two feet away.

"Don't you know it's dangerous to be out at night?" the vampire exclaimed with a grin. He licked his fangs in anticipation of an easy meal.

"Don't you know who I am?"

The vampire's face fell before he hissed, "Slayer….". He lunged at her knocking her to the ground before she kicked him off and leapt to her feet. She punched him hard and could feel his nose crunching beneath her hand. The vampire stumbled backwards clutching his nose that was now bleeding freely. He growled before sending her flying with a roundhouse kick. As her back smashed into a tree and the bark bit into her back she realized that this was not a simple fledging and she had no idea how she was going to dust him while protecting Angel. She was dazed but stood and charged the smirking vampire. She hit him with enough force to knock them both to the ground but in the scuffle she had somehow dropped her stake. They struggled before the vampire gained the upper hand, pinning her beneath him. Her eyes widened when she saw the vampire lick his lips before slowly lowering his mouth to her neck. She clenched her eyelids shut and silent tears began falling down her face as she thought of all the people she let down, including Angel.

Angel watched in morbid fascination as the petite blonde shoved him to the ground and engaged what he now realized was a vampire. How is she so strong? And what are vampires doing here? When he heard the vampire hiss 'slayer' his eyebrows reached his hairline. He could not believe that this beautiful, small, sweet girl was the slayer; he pictured her taller, or bigger muscles and all that. He had heard many stories of the slayer, after all they both fought for good. When he saw that the vampire had pinned her down and was moving towards her neck he sprang into action.

Buffy waited for the prick of fangs but it never came. She looked up and saw that the vampire was off of her and traveling through the air at an alarming rate before smashing into a tombstone. She sat up and saw Angel standing over her protectively, but not for long. He ran towards where he had thrown the vampire and attacked him. They both fought viciously, neither one giving an inch. At one point the vampire had hit Angel in the back and he screamed as he felt his stitches rip. Kicks and punches were continuously thrown before Angel finally put the struggling vampire in a headlock. He whispered something in the vampire's ear, and Buffy saw the vampire's eyes grow wide before Angel snapped his neck and ripped the vampires head off of its body. As he disintegrated into dust Buffy approached Angel who's back was turned to her. She could see he was breathing hard and shuddering with adrenalin. His back was bleeding freely and his hands were clenched so tightly at his sides that blood was running off his fingers from his nails digging into his palms. She approached slowly and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. When he turned to her she jerked her hand away and stepped back. His eyes were red and glowing eerily, and his body was taught with tension. She had faced enough vampires to know that the look in his eyes was feral. "Angel?"

He stared at her unblinkingly, not moving as his eyes followed her movements predatorily.

"Angel, I need you to calm down. Can you do that for me? I need you to take a deep breath and calm down." She was alarmed to say the least. She had no idea what was happening but knew that she needed to get him back to a normal mindset fast.

Suddenly he blinked as if coming out of a haze and grabbed his head with his hands. His breathing slowed and when he looked up his eyes were no longer red but their original black color. He stared at her ashamed, he had hoped for her to never see this part of him.

"I guess we need to talk," he whispered softly not meeting her eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

They both walked in silence, neither one knowing what to say. Angel had scared her tonight. She had thought he was helpless, simply an angel without his wings. When he was fighting the vampire Buffy had watched him with a critical eye. He had moved quickly and with deadly precision, he knew how to fight and was very, very good at it. When he had finished off the vampire and had turned to her she wanted to scream but held it in. His eyes were frightening; they seemed to glow with hate and rage. She was trying to keep a level head and not jump to conclusions, had Angel lied to me? Is he really even an angel, or just a demon? They finally reached Giles' front door and she quietly entered with Angel before sitting on the couch and patting the seat next to her.

Angel sat down slowly not knowing what to expect. He wanted to run from the hurt and distrust in her eyes but another part of him wanted to tell her the truth, show her what he really was. The longer they sat the angrier he got at the whole situation.

Giles had watched the two enter and could tell something was wrong. Angel was bleeding from his back and Buffy was not sitting near or touching Angel and would not meet his eyes. "Is everything all right?"

Buffy took a deep breath and lifted her head, "I think it's time for Angel to finish the story he had started."

Giles looked at Buffy, then to Angel. He wanted to find out what was wrong but thought it better if he let them tell him on his own, plus he was dying to know more about Angel. He went to the kitchen and got his notebook and a pen and a cup of earl grey before returning to the living room and sitting across from the silent twosome. "Whenever you're ready Liam."

"You can call me Angel," he replied shortly.

"Alright, whenever you're ready Angel."

Angel rubbed his hands up and down his face trying to gather his thoughts and silently contemplating how much he should share. These two mortals had been nothing but good to him, he should tell them the truth but he didn't know if it was pertinent at this time to share every detail. "Where did we leave off?"

Giles flipped through his notebook and scanned it with a finger, "We left off… um, we left off when I brought up your, um… wings."

"Right." He sat quietly collecting himself before he began. "When Father gave me my wings they were different. Normally an angel's wings are soft and white and only large enough for them to fly. When mine came in they were black, as I stated before everything darkened on me. They also came in much larger than anyone else's. My feathers were long and wide and my wings were so large that they towered over me and everyone else. The other angels were frightened of me, said I didn't belong there but Father said that it only confirmed what he wanted. He needed someone that could serve a darker purpose."

Angel jumped up and started pacing feeling antsy, "Giles do you smoke? Can I bum one?"

Giles and Buffy looked at Angel surprised, "You smoke? Angels don't smoke!"

Angel looked at Buffy with a small humorless grin, "I'm not that kind of angel."

Giles sat for a moment longer before entering the kitchen and coming out a second later with a cigarette and lighter and handed them to Angel.

"Giles! Since when do you smoke?"

Giles stood defiantly, "Only once in a while! I'm not just the stuffy librarian who drinks tea and reads all the time that you all make me out to be." Buffy rolled her eyes at him before looking back to Angel who was lighting the cigarette and taking a long drag.

"Some things aren't important, but to make a long story short he made me a commander."

Giles' eyes narrowed as he looked at Angel, "Commander of what exactly?"

Angel took a long drag off his cigarette and stared at the moon through the large living room window, "Heaven's army."

Giles tried to hide his disbelieving grin, "Heaven….. has an army?"

Angel jerked his eyes to Giles and glared at him angrily, "Yeah it has an army. Your slayer is a part of it just here on earth." Seeing the other man's shocked expression he shook his head. "Oh don't look so surprised, I know all about slayers and watchers. As commander I know all the important figures. I know who the pawns are and I know who the important ones are, which ones are disposable and which ones aren't."

"How do you know that Buffy is the Slayer?"

Buffy took this opportunity to speak up, "We got attacked tonight, Angel saved me." She suddenly felt angry, "Speaking of, why didn't you tell me you weren't helpless? I was worried sick about that vampire eating you then when you did the psycho thing with the eyes I thought I was going to have to take you down!"

"Psycho thing with the eyes?" Giles muttered quietly, "What eye thing?"

Angel threw his arms in the air, "Will you two just stop talking? You think I want to talk about this shit? Tell you things that no one should know? Just sit down and shut up and LET ME FINISH!" He was screaming at them by the end if his tirade and his eyes once again had a thin red halo around them. This was not going as he had planned but then again he never could control his temper. He sat down stiffly and lit up another cigarette, daring the other two to say something. He met both their eyes before continuing on.

"As I was saying, I'm the most recent commander of Heaven's Army. You think everything evil stays where it belongs? That heaven has those pearly gates and nothing can get past them? Well it doesn't, things attack us all the time. Lucifer doesn't play fair and neither do I. Father wanted me because I'm a realist, because I lie, and I cheat, and I do whatever the hell it takes to protect Home. No one likes it, but someone's got to do it. I've protected those perimeters for a long damn time. As I'm sure you know time moves differently at Home and in Hell. While I've only been dead for about 250 years, I've served for Father for about 2000. I did whatever he asked no matter how dark and evil it was to protect Home, my home. Then he… then he…" Liam stopped talking and gripped his hair tightly with his hands. He was breathing harshly and felt the need to rip something apart.

Seeing the man start to fall apart Giles spoke up, "I think that's enough for tonight Angel, this seems difficult for you to talk about so we'll pick up.."

"NO! You wanted to talk about this and I need to explain. Just let me get this all out."

"If you insist."

Angel's anger started to fade and he spoke quieter than before, "Father started noticing something was off when I started disobeying orders, going after demons and figures that I wasn't supposed to, putting angels in harms way for no reason. I was getting reckless. Everyone could tell that whatever was in me was overtaking my soul because my eyes were beginning to change. Because I'm part…" He trailed off and suddenly looked nervous before shaking his head as if coming to a decision in his head. "Anyway my anger was manifesting physically. As you've both seen my eyes turn red when I'm upset and if I'm angry enough I lose control and return to a feral mindset. It started happening more and more. Father decided he needed to do something so he decided to punish me and remind me of where the path of darkness leads you."

Angel put his free hand to his neck to rub his tattoos, "These aren't tattoos these are my sins; both living and dead that Father burned into my skin as a reminder of where evil leads you. When I look at them I remember lying in the middle of the street dying. They're written in Enochian, the language of the angels." He sat quietly staring at his shoes. While he had wanted to destroy something earlier he now wanted to find a quite corner to brood and sulk. He felt exhausted and to be honest bipolar, he wasn't sure how much more he could talk about all this but he knew if he finished his story tonight then it would be less for him to worry about in the future.

"After Father reminded me to stay on the straight and narrow things went well for a while, or as well as they could go. It's tiring, fighting constantly and eventually my mind started to stray to darker places again. I was becoming reckless and to be honest with myself I was and still am… unbalanced. I'm having a hard time deciphering right from wrong, good from evil. For some reason it's even worse here then it was at Home. Yesterday, I…" He trailed off, wondering if he should really say anymore. He knew he was not winning friends with his story but felt these two deserved to hear it first hand, especially Buffy. He stared at her and his throat constricted. She was staring at him with her beautiful, innocent eyes. He opened his mouth to continue but his tongue felt thick and he had a hard time forming the words. He cleared his throat and met Buffy's eyes. He spoke in a low even voice, "Yesterday I broke, snapped, whatever you want to call it. My third in command was arguing with me, saying I didn't care how many we lost. Next thing I knew I had stabbed him in the throat and as he fell I felt no remorse. Angels can die, and when they do they cease to exist. There is no Heaven or Hell for them. Father appeared immediately after; I was still standing, covered in blood and holding my dagger. Before I could blink I was on the ground with Father's foot on my back. He cursed me, said for once he was wrong and that I deserved to be Lucifer's. I thought that was it for me and to be honest a part of me wanted that to be the end but then he said that he loved all his children and that I would get one final chance. He would send me to Earth, where like his mortal children I would choose my own path. I'm here until I choose a path of righteousness or eternal damnation. After he said his piece he…" Angel paused and let out a breath. "He ripped off my wings and threw me down to Earth."


	6. Chapter 6

The silence in the room was deafening. Silent tears were running down Buffy's face and Giles was just staring at his notepad, not writing or moving. The minutes continued ticking by, the large clock on the wall ticking so loudly that each click of the second hand sounded like glass shattering.

Angel just sat there watching the two waiting for a response until he couldn't take it any longer and stood to leave the room.

Seeing that Angel was leaving the room Giles stood, "Angel why…"

"Don't," he whispered harshly before continuing out of the room and collapsing on the guest room bed. He was drained and before he could even remove his shoes he was fast asleep.

Buffy wiped at the wetness on her cheeks and looked at Giles, "That was intense. I mean we deal with demons Giles but angels? Angels that kill other angels?"

Giles smiled sadly, "Way past our pay grade I'm afraid but it seems Liam needs our help."

She nodded distractedly, "I better head home, mom's probably wondering where I am."

"Yes of course. Goodnight Buffy."

Three days later when everyone entered the library Buffy immediately looked around and frowned when she saw Giles who had been absent since the weekend. While everyone else walked over to the table to get out their books she walked over to her watcher and spoke in a low voice. "Where's Angel? Did you leave him at your house?"

Giles shook his head, "He's sleeping in the stacks, I didn't feel comfortable leaving him alone in the house all day. There's something wrong with him but I'm not sure what it is. He's been sleeping for hours."

"What do you mean something's wrong with him?"

Giles sighed and removed his glasses before cleaning them, "He's sleeping too much and seems to be extremely weak. I believe he's having adverse affects being away from heaven. He hasn't eaten since the last time you saw him. He's not adjusting to being human very well and I'm afraid it's slowly beginning to kill him. He's barely spoken a word to me and he's not near as intimidating or um… intense as he was when we found him."

Buffy frowned heavily, "What are we going to do about this Giles? We can't let him die we have to help him."

He opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by the sound a book being dropped loudly onto the table. "Yo Buffster what are you and the G man whispering about?" Xander shouted causing Buffy to cringe at the loud noise.

Giles sighed, "Must I remind you that this is a library and you are to speak softly?" He and Buffy moved towards the table but Buffy paused when she noticed Angel lurking quietly in the shadows and eyeing everyone with slight unease. She smiled encouragingly and beckoned him forward with a wave of her tiny hand. He looked weary but still moved quietly towards her until he was standing next to her, his large form towering over hers.

She withheld a gasp at the sight of him. Gone was the imposing force that had crashed into her life and in its place was a pale gaunt form with red rimmed eyes, hunched shoulders, and shaking hands. His hair was sticking up at random angles and he looked like he was having trouble just standing, exhaustion obvious in his heavy lidded expression. "Are you ok?" she whispered.

He turned his gaze towards her and frowned when he softly shook his head.

No one noticed the new person in the room until Willow looked up and squeaked causing Xander and Cordelia to look over. The three looked him over before Buffy took the lead, "Guys this is Angel."

Xander of course spoke first, "Is he the angel? Is he dangerous? Why would you bring him here?"

Seeing Angel's narrowed eyes directed at Xander Giles jumped in, "Yes he's the angel and as far as everything else goes you'll have to ask him. He's a person Xander you can speak directly to him."

Cordelia rolled her eyes and stood before straightening her skirt and walking over with a huge smile. "Hi I'm Cordelia, you'll have to excuse our idiot."

Angel's lips twitched and he shook her offered hand before stepping behind Buffy slightly. Seeing the children were making this awkward Giles motioned for Buffy to come over and take a seat. "Angel I don't have anymore chairs so you can either have mine or take a seat on the stairs."

He glanced at the stairs before sitting down and watching everyone waiting to see what was going to happen. His eyes drifted to Xander who was completely turned around in his chair still staring at him, "You're not quite human are you?"

Buffy leaned over and smacked his head, which caused Giles to sigh heavily and Willow to giggle. Angel just continued staring at Xander until he finally turned around trying to get away from the angel's intense stare.

"So what's the meeting about today?" Willow asked hesitantly.

Buffy looked over to Angel, "Can we tell them what you told Giles and I?"

He shook his head instantly but didn't speak. Giles frowned wondering why and Buffy tilted her head in confusion. He sighed before giving an explanation softly, "No, they shouldn't even know what I am but it's too late for that. If anyone finds out I'm here it could cause problems of biblical proportions."

Xander looked offended, "We know Buffy's the slayer and it hasn't caused problems of 'biblical proportions'. What's so special about you anyway, you look like Buffy could take you."

Ignoring the jab about his appearance he answered, "I'm a little higher on the totem poll boy." He looked at Buffy and offered a sympathetic expression, "No offense."

She smiled, "None taken." Her attention returned to the scoobies, "Ok so no talk of angels ok? On to our current vampire problem…"

Angel tuned out everyone's voices and rubbed his eyes tiredly, he was exhausted. Being here on earth was more draining than he realized but that also probably had to do with the fact that his wings were gone. Missing. Because they had been brutally ripped from him by the person he trusted the most. His dark thoughts were interrupted when his ears began to ring, the noise rising in pitch and volume until it was unbearable.

Buffy looked over and frowned at Angel's confused expression and began moving towards him when he raised his hands to cover his ears. "Angel, are you ok?"

Giles and everyone turned just in time to see Angel collapse on the stairs, his hands pushed to his head over his ears and his eyes and jaw clenched shut. He looked like he was in intense pain and blood soon began gushing from his ears and nose, flowing over his hands and dripping off his face.

Buffy looked at Giles for help but just like everyone else he was at a loss for what to do. "Angel what's wrong?" she asked frantically.

Then suddenly as quickly as it started it stopped. Angel gasped as his eyes snapped open. He shakily pulled himself into a sitting position and looked up only to see everyone staring down at shaking form. His eyes narrowed and red started to creep in along the edges of his black eyes. Pain was flowing through his head blocking his thoughts and quickly overwhelming him to the point that instinct took over.

Giles frowned heavily when he saw Angel look at everyone standing over him and his eyes begin to turn red. The angel's shoulders lifted and it took Giles a moment to figure out what was happening. Angel was posturing. He was sure if he had his wings they would be splayed wide to intimidate the potential threats. He was weakened and was reacting instinctually. Giles knew he was extremely weak but he could still easily harm everyone before Buffy could stop him and Giles wasn't positive that Angel had divulged all his powers and strengths to them. "Everyone step back and sit on the floor. Don't ask questions."

They all frowned but did as told except Buffy who moved forward causing Angel to lower his head and lift his shoulders higher, his eyes almost completely red as his lips curled back to reveal clenched teeth with extended razor sharp canines. Hs eyes widened at the teeth and he lowered himself to the ground, "Buffy step away and sit down. He's seeing you as a threat. Everyone avoid eye contact."

She finally listened and a few tense moments later his eyes returned to black and his posture relaxed. Buffy wanted to go over to him but stayed on the floor. "Angel are you ok? You're bleeding."

He looked confused at what had just happened before he reached up and felt his ear and looked at his hand which was covered in blood. "Son of a bitch," he mumbled.

Giles approached cautiously and handed him a handkerchief, relief flowing over him when his teeth appeared normal again. "What just happened?"

Angel rubbed his ears and nose before shaking his head, "He knows I'm here. He has eyes everywhere and he already knows I'm here." He cursed under his breath and shook his head in disbelief.

"I'm afraid we don't understand, who knows you're here?"

He clenched his jaw and glared at everyone. "That's no concern of yours," he bit out.

Everyone just watched as he sat there looking much less intimidating than he did a few minutes ago. His posture was slumped and he looked like he might get sick, his head was obviously still hurting and his eyes had slid shut.

Buffy stood and walked over to Angel, dropping down on the step next to him. He didn't move or acknowledge her and when she figured out why she looked at her friends and subtly pointed to the door. He wouldn't seek comfort because it was a sign of weakness. Willow got the hint first and grabbed Xander's arm, "We should get back to class, come on guys."

Everyone shuffled away and Giles reluctantly walked to his office where he could still see and hear the pair but wouldn't be in plain sight.

Seeing everyone had left Angel fell to the side and laid his head on the petite slayer's lap and snuggled into her when she began to gently rub his head. Hoping he would share now that they were alone she spoke. "What was that Angel?"

He released a sigh, "Angels communicate telepathically, it's normally quick and easy but I seem to be too mortal, too weak to receive the messages or reply."

She nodded thoughtfully, "Who was trying to talk to you?"

He stilled and tensed, "It's not important."

She sighed and continued running her fingers through his thick black hair. It was strange to think that the giant of a man resting on her was an extremely powerful angel of the Lord. Except he wasn't powerful right now, he was weak and hurting and she wanted to understand why. "Please tell me."

"Lucifer," was the barely heard response.

Buffy froze and waited for him to turn his head in her lap to make eye contact. "How can he talk to you?"

His black depthless eyes watched her carefully, "Lucifer is an angel, regardless if you fall you're still an angel. Many cannot receive messages from him but higher ups can, and apparently he can still speak to me in my weakened form. I'm lucky my head didn't explode. He know I'm here and he'll come for me when the time is right."

"Is he going to try to kill you?"

To her surprise he let out a soft and bitter laugh, "I think you're failing to grasp just how valuable I am. He wants me to lead hell's army and he'll stop at nothing to get to me."

She nervously bit her lip, "You'd never do that though right?"

He stayed silent before eventually sitting up and rubbing a hand up and down his face, "I'm not sure where my alliances lie right now."

Buffy looked flabbergasted, "What, why would you…"

A thin red halo appeared around his eyes as he stood and glared at her, "You have no idea what it feels like to have your wings ripped off of you. To have the person who you look at with pure love and adoration take everything from you. You have no idea what it's like to love someone for two thousand years only to have them hate you for the same reason they love you. He made me what I am and he punished me for it. Now tell me why I should continue to follow him blindly? Why wouldn't I go somewhere where I'll be rewarded for what I do instead of punished?"

She opened and closed her mouth a few times trying to come up with an answer. "Good argument slayer," he sneered before walking out of the library.

Giles emerged out of his office and approached Buffy a few minutes after the library doors swung shut. "I heard everything, should we go after him? He's not completely human but he's still extremely weak."

Buffy nodded and stood but paused as she looked at her watcher, "Giles do you think he's evil?"

"I don't know and as much as it fears me to say this I don't think he knows either."


	7. Chapter 7

Buffy found him wandering through a graveyard a couple of miles away, it felt weird to be here in the daytime. She followed at a distance and watched as he read the headstones and eventually sat down on a bench next to a large stone angel. She crept closer and startled when he spoke. "You need to work on your stealth, that'll hurt you some day."

Cover blown she walked over and sat down next to him on the bench. Deciding honesty would be the best policy she bluntly told him how she felt. "I don't know whether to trust you or not or how I'm supposed to help you."

He turned to face her and she felt her heart rate increase at his close proximity. "I'll make it easy for you. Don't trust me and don't help me. I appreciate everything you've done for me but it's your job to control the demon population down here, I'm only proving to be a distraction."

"But you obviously need help, your thoughts are all crazy and jumbled."

He allowed a smile, "Crazy and jumbled just about sums it up. How old are you Buffy?"

She frowned at the sudden change in topic. "Sixteen."

He nodded, "I'm sorry you were chosen, that you couldn't just lead a normal existence. I wouldn't wish your position on anyone."

"Some days I'm sorry too but others I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to. I don't resent the fact I was called."

He nodded again and slid his arm along the back of the bench and stretched out his legs, crossing them at the ankle. "Slayers live and die constantly, I've seen many rise and fall but you… I hope you prove to be the exception Buffy, that you live and thrive instead of die cold and alone."

Not knowing what to say and feeling insecure at his words she scooted slightly closer and relaxed into his embrace when he wrapped his arm around her and held her close. "It's strange, being here I mean. I don't know how humans live, it's rather mundane being here with no power, having to eat and sleep. I don't know how you all accomplish anything."

Buffy couldn't help the laugh that escaped her before she sobered. "From what Giles tells me you haven't been doing much eating and you've been doing way too much sleeping. Are you ok?"

He remained silent for so long that Buffy almost forgot her question, "I'm dying Buffy."

Her eyes widened and she turned quickly to face him, only pulling away slightly when she realized how close their faces were. "What?"

His voice was calm, "My body is shutting down. It won't last forever and I'll start to recover as soon as my wings start to grow back but until then I'll continue to waste away."

"Can't you eat and take care of yourself though?"

His shoulders lifted into a shrug, "Doesn't matter if I eat or drink I'll still continue to shut down." He sucked in a breath and stared up at the bright blue sky above them. "I need help but I'm afraid I have no one anymore. I'm actually surprised one my brothers hasn't tried to smite me. This would be the perfect opportunity."

She followed his gaze upward as if expecting an angel to suddenly appear. "Angel?"

"Hmm?"

"In the library, when you did your eye thing… your teeth turned into fangs. What was that exactly?" she asked with an air of unease.

His eyes lowered from the sky to look at the earth beneath his feet. "I'm afraid if I tell you I'll lose my only ally."

Not knowing what to say Buffy stayed silent for a few minutes, content to just sit beside the weakening angel as her thoughts drifted. Finally she sat up and looked at him. "You need to learn to relax and live a little."

He frowned thoughtfully, "The last time I relaxed and lived a little I got stabbed to death."

She cringed before rolling her eyes, "That was living too much you have to find a balance. It's Friday night, you should come to the Bronze with me and the gang."

"What's the Bronze?"

She shrugged, "A club. You dance, mingle and just have fun."

Angel began twirling pieces of Buffy's hair around his fingers, "I'm not very good at dancing or mingling and I'm pretty sure my definition of fun is much different than yours."

"At least it will be a change of pace."

He glanced around the cemetery again while his hand idly played with Buffy's hair, ignoring her pestering. He felt so relaxed, so calm and he knew it was because of this girl next to him and before he knew it he had fallen asleep.

Hearing soft breathing Buffy looked up and smiled at the sight of the sleeping angel. He looked so peaceful, all hardness gone from his face. Knowing she shouldn't but finding she couldn't resist she lifted her hand and softly caressed the side of his face. It was beyond upsetting to hear him say he was dying but hopefully it wouldn't last long. She didn't want anything to happen to him and while she wasn't sure yet if he could be trusted she knew she would do everything she could to help him.

Angel blinked awake and yawned widely glancing around and seeing he was alone. Seeing the sun had already begun set he figured he should head back to Giles' before who knows what came out of the woods next to the cemetery. He walked slowly and realized that without wings this was going to take a little while. Night fell quickly but it didn't concern him until he heard footsteps behind him. He waited until they were directly behind him before spinning and catching a vampire in a headlock.

"You're young and stupid and a disgusting abomination," he spat.

The vampire struggled in his grasp, "What are you? You don't smell like food."

Angel shook his head with a smirk, "Definitely not food and if you weren't so naïve you would know what I am. It's ingrained in you to fear me." Deciding he had wasted enough time he twisted the vampires head and stepped back to avoid the dust. When he turned on the sidewalk he was faced with two more vampires watching him wearily.

Angel could sense the one that stepped forward was older and would be a problem for his weakened form. "You killed my childe."

"He was stupid, you can thank me later."

The vampire continued to approach before the wind changed and he paused with eyes narrowed. He looked confused before he started to back up, "You're holy." He paused before smirking cruelly. "But not very. Somehow I don't think this is going to be a problem nephilim."

Angel's eyes blazed red instantly at the slur before he attacked the vampire, consequences be damned.

Buffy felt more than heard that Angel was in trouble. When he had fallen asleep she had returned to school knowing that he would be fine in the daylight but training had run late and she had lost track of time, hopefully Angel wouldn't pay the price for her mistake.

She was running faster than she ever had before and when she burst through the trees at the edge of the park she finally saw that Angel was still alive but losing the battle he was locked in with a vampire badly.

She watched as Angel struggled to get away as the vampire kicked him again and was alarmed that his eyes were wide and black and not red. He wasn't angry he was scared. Buffy ran as quickly as she could over to the pair but couldn't stop the vampire from delivering one last vicious kick to Angel's face which knocked him out cold.

"Angel!"

The vampire turned and grinned widely at her, "Slayer! I take it this belongs to you?"

Buffy was so mad she didn't even offer a quip or a pun just ran over and within minutes had the vampire disintegrating. She turned quickly to check on Angel who was trying to sit up and bleeding from a large gash on his cheekbone.

"Did he bite you? Are you ok?" she asked as she dropped down to her knees directly in front of him.

He nodded and spat out a mouthful of blood, "I'm fine, only my pride got injured."

She smiled and shook her head, "You're something else, come on let's go get you cleaned up." After helping him to his feet they walked to Giles' house and after patching up his cuts she settled on the couch with him in front of Giles' tv. He sat at the edge with Buffy's head on his leg as he combed his fingers through her soft blonde hair.

"Where's Giles?" Angel asked during a commercial.

"Still at the library probably. He needed to translate a few things and most of his books are there," Buffy answered.

He nodded absently, "I'm amazed he's allowing me to stay here, and be near you. For all you know I could be here to kill you."

The statement didn't scare her and when she spoke it was in a calm tone, "You're not here to kill me, if you wanted to do that you would have already." She pushed herself up slightly to see his face, "I don't trust you and neither does Giles but I don't think you're here to hurt me."

He met her eyes with a solemn expression, "I'd die before I hurt you." She smiled at his words and lay back down on his leg and began flipping through the channels. After finding something to watch she let the remote fall to the floor and began fiddling with the leg of Angel's black pants.

"Angel?"

"Yes?"

"What's heaven like?"

He shifted slightly and by his tone she could tell he was smiling. "Wonderful. Perfect. Picture your absolute perfect day and it's that times a thousand every single day. No pain, no sickness and if you can dream it you can have it."

She frowned, "But you said…"

"That's how your heaven will be, it's not like that for the angels. Someone has to do the dirty work to keep it so sparkly for everyone else." The pair lapsed into silence for a few minutes until Angel glanced at the clock. "You could still go out with your friends if you wanted to, it's not too late."

She shook her head and smiled as she snuggled closer to him, "I'm good here."


	8. Chapter 8

Buffy smiled brightly at Giles as she entered his house a few days later, "Hi Giles!"

He smiled warmly even though he looked slightly frazzled, "Hello Buffy, how was school?"

"Not bad. Where's Angel?"

A muffled groan alerted her to his whereabouts. She walked around the edge of the couch and frowned sadly at the sight she was met with. Angel was laid out on the couch shivering and pale with his face buried in a pillow and covered in blankets. She gently ran her fingers through his disheveled hair before glancing at Giles who motioned for her to follow him.

As soon as they entered the kitchen Giles sighed heavily, "I don't know what to do for him, nothings helping. His entire system is shutting down."

Buffy nodded, "He said he'll get better once his wings start to grow back but who knows when that will happen. Why is this happening though?"

Giles poured himself a glass of tea and offered one to Buffy but she politely declined. "Just on earth he's over two hundred years old and in heaven its even longer. I believe that since he's mostly reverted back to his human form from the loss of his wings his body has found it's unable to sustain itself. Picture a clock that's been ignored for centuries trying to run smoothly just because you plugged it in."

"I hope his wings come in soon it's hard to see him so sick."

"Stop talking about me," came a low voice from the living room. "I'm not deaf or stupid and you two talk louder than anyone I've ever met… except that boy you know with the dark hair and stupid face."

Giles looked skyward for a moment before looking at Buffy who was losing a fight with a grin. "He's been like this all day. Everything is stupid apparently. I must say I've never taken care of an angel before but I didn't picture it like this."

"No picnic for me either Rupert."

Buffy smiled at the two of them before turning away from Giles and entering the living room where Angel was trying to get comfortable which was difficult when trying to fit a broad 6' 3" frame on a small couch. She stopped a few feet from him and watched as he tried to unwrap the blanket from himself before finally huffing agitatedly and burning her a look. "You could help you know. Make yourself useful."

She crossed her arms with an arched eyebrow and met his glare steadily. Finally he sighed and looked away, "I'm sorry. I don't do sick very well."

"Understatement," Giles muttered.

"I heard that!"

Buffy let out a laugh and stepped forward to free him from his cottony jail before plopping down next to him. "Feel like going patrolling with me tonight?"

He shrugged, "Better than literally dying of boredom."

Giles appeared in the kitchen doorway, "So sorry I couldn't amuse you today."

Angel just grumbled under his breath as he followed Buffy outside. Once outside she turned and grinned up at him, "You and Giles spending too much time together?" It was hilarious to see him acting so snarky.

He yawned and nodded as he stretched, "Way too much. I'm used to the same few people, it's difficult to be around others."

When he put it like that she could understand why it would be difficult. "You should seriously come out with me one night and hang out with my friends and I."

"Maybe I will. I know I'm upsetting your watcher, he'd probably enjoy time without me."

Buffy frowned when he stopped walking suddenly before noticing a figure appear about fifteen feet away. Angel subtly stepped in front of her as the man just stood there staring at the pair. He felt Buffy's hands clench in the back of his shirt, she had obviously realized that such a sudden appearance meant an angel.

"William."

The man, who was dressed in a long black leather duster and had bleached blonde hair, began to approach with a menacing glare and came to a halt only a few feet away from Angel. The pair stared at each other in a tense silence as Angel tried to decipher if this was friend or foe. His question was answered a moment later when the man dropped to a knee and laid his arm across his chest, head down. When he looked up all hardness was gone and a grin was in place. "Gettin' jumpy in your old age peaches?"

Angel shook his head and allowed a small smile and shoved the man good-naturedly when he stood up. "Spike what the hell are you doing here?"

The blonde haired man shrugged and fished a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it before handing it to Angel and lighting one for himself. "Thought I should see how you're doing."

Buffy finally stepped forward and Spike's eyebrows rose, "Apparently you're doing well."

Angel rolled his eyes as he took a drag, "Spike this is the slayer. Buffy this is my second in command, William."

Spike grinned widely, "Actually first now and it's Spike love. I'm the big man in charge."

"How's it going up there?" Angel asked. It was a loaded question and both he and Spike knew that. On one hand he wanted to hear that everything was fine but on the other he wanted to hear that they needed him, that he wasn't so easily replaced.

The bleach blonde man shrugged, "Total and complete chaos, raining fire and such." He smirked at Angel's arched eyebrow. "You never could take a bloody joke. It's going as well as it can. There's been some that are rebelling since I'm not quite as… hard on them as you are but that's to be expected."

Angel nodded before turning only to stop and cringe when he heard Spike's quick intake of breath. He turned to face him with hard eyes, "Don't, just don't Spike."

Spike approached slowly with a pained expression, "We all heard what happened but to see it... are you alright?"

Angel's eyes began to glow as his hands clenched into fists. "No Spike, I'm really not ok? I'm not all right. I'm here and mortal and it's horrible. I can't fly, I'm cut off, weak and it's just really pathetic and now I'm just bitching." He blew out a breath and ignored Buffy and Spike's small smiles as he threw down the butt of his cigarette. "Anyways, shouldn't you get back? Aren't they going to wonder where you are?"

He nodded and stepped back before becoming extremely serious. He placed a hand on Angel's shoulder and steadily met his eyes. "I'm lost without you, I have no idea what I'm doing."

Angel shook his head, "Yes you do. I taught you everything I know, you can handle it."

"Well I don't want to. I'm made to follow you Angelus. My alliances lie with you and only you. I serve no one but you and I'm only there to keep your seat warm if you choose to have it back. I'll follow you to the pits of hell if I need to."

Angel's eyes widened, "I can't ask that of you."

Spike allowed a small grin, "That's the best part, you don't have to. Now I better get back but before I go do you want me to…" fix your wings?

Angel looked away ashamed before looking back to Spike with a defeated expression, "I'm sure you're cloaking yourself from everyone else and you still need to get back."

Spike shook his head, "I've got enough mojo. Now turn around, don't be shy."

With some hesitation Angel turned and let out a steadying breath. As Spike approached him he shook his head at the damage, "He ripped out the bone and everything didn't he? No wonder they haven't started coming back yet." He stepped forward and raked his eyes over Angel's shredded back one last time, the damage that no one on earth could see clearly visible to him. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you how bad this is going to hurt."

Angel shook his head and braced himself. A moment later Spike's hands were on his back pushing on the large gashes that used to house wings. Against his will Angel screamed and fell to his knees, Spike falling with him and never breaking contact. It was like acid was being poured into his very soul. Everything hurt from the tips of his toes to the tips of his wings that were forming as bones mended and grew, his stitches ripping out as feathers burst through his back. After a few agonizing minutes Spike pulled back with a gasp and Angel fell to the ground on his stomach panting.

Not wanting to interrupt but finding she couldn't help herself Buffy ran forward when Spike stepped back and gingerly touched his arm silently asking if he was ok.

Spike looked down at him and smiled brightly, "That's better. I know it's not great but at least I got you started. Should happen faster now. I'm no poof but even mangled your wings are something to behold."

Buffy helped Angel up and he rolled his shoulders a few times and looked at something Buffy couldn't see behind his back. "Thanks Spike."

Spike smirked, "Now you owe me you bloody ponce." He dropped to his knee again in a show of respect before disappearing with a small whisper of flapping wings.

Buffy frowned, "What did he do to you?"

Angel turned and pulled his shirt up revealing a completely healed back. "He got my wings started again, they'll heal faster now." He shuddered as Buffy's hands gently caressed the now smooth skin.

"Where are they? Your backs healed but there's nothing there," she said, confusion apparent in her tone.

He dropped his shirt back down and turned to face her, "I'm too weak for them to physically manifest which is actually a good thing because it uses a lot of energy to keep them hidden and I can't afford to waste any right now."

Buffy stared at a spot over his right shoulder, "I wish I could see them."

Angel stared at her thoughtfully, "I of course have never had my wings ripped off me but I think since Spike helped they should be back to full form within a couple weeks, maybe sooner. An angel's wings are what connects them to heaven, holds their energy so I should start feeling better too. They might manifest before I'm back at full form but I'll at least be connected again and strong enough to at least speak with Spike." He paused and blushed a little, "But it's good you can't see them right now because they're pretty sad."

Buffy just continued staring before shaking herself mentally, "I should go home, mom's probably wondering where I am. Are you going back to Giles'?"

He shrugged but Buffy could see he didn't look very enthusiastic about it. "Hey why don't you come over to my house for once, change of scenery?" She was met with a dazzling smile and a boyish nod as he slipped his hand around hers and waited for her to lead the way.

Joyce's eyes widened at the sight of a huge man standing next to her daughter in the kitchen.

Seeing her mom's expression Buffy jumped in, "Mom this is Angel, he's Giles' assistant at the library. He's been staying with him so I thought I'd give him a change of scenery."

Joyce smiled, "Of course honey."

When she walked away Angel looked down at Buffy with a cocked eyebrow, "Lying is a sin you know."

Buffy looked at him sharply, which caused him to laugh. "I'm joking, relax. It's not my job to judge, it's Azrael's."

She rolled her eyes, "Ha ha, don't scare me like that."

He grinned and watched as Buffy started making sandwiches. When she finished she placed one in front of him and hopped up on a barstool to start eating. Angel followed suit and Buffy was pleased that he ate the entire thing. "Feeling better?"

He nodded, "Much. In a few days I shouldn't need food anymore. I'll be connected enough to not need sleep either."

"That's so weird. So tell me something about you."

A look of confusion appeared on his handsome face, "Like what?"

She rolled her eyes, "Favorite color, things about what you do in heaven, I don't know."

He looked thoughtful for a few minutes before just shrugging, "There's not much to tell, what you see is what you get. Um…" He scratched his head in thought and Buffy withheld a giggle at the adorable gesture. Suddenly his eyes lit up, "When I've had a particularly bad day I always go to Saturn and watch the rings. It's my favorite planet out of all the universes and galaxies." Seeing her agape mouth and stunned expression he frowned, "Was that not what you meant?"

She shook her head, "That's exactly what I meant but just… Saturn? Really? Is it amazing?"

He smiled and nodded, "Unbelievable in person, beyond what you could ever imagine. I'd take you there but you need oxygen so that wouldn't work very well."

She laughed at his words before crinkling her brow, "You don't need oxygen?"

"I'm not human, well at least I'm not supposed to be. I don't need oxygen, food, sleep, anything really."

She nodded and was about to respond when her mom entered the room again, "Buffy it's time for bed say good night to your guest."

Buffy nodded and looked at Angel who looked less than pleased about leaving. She walked him to the door and bit her lip. "Sorry you have to go I wish you didn't."

He smirked at her and whispered, "I don't," before disappearing. Her eyebrows shot up as she looked around for him but he was nowhere to be seen. Feeling hurt by his sudden departure she closed and locked the door before going upstairs to her room. When she entered Angel smiled at her from his spot on her bed.

"What.. how?"

He grinned, "I have my wings back, I can fly again. Not far right now but far enough to get to your room."

She smiled, "Let me change into my pjs." He nodded and turned respectfully while she changed before turning back around when she said she was finished. "So how did you fly in here? You were there and then poof you weren't."

"Because everything happens so fast in flight it appears much like teleportation to the human eye. With my wings I can also become incorporeal so I can go pretty much anywhere."

She digested the factoids as she brushed her hair until finally setting down her brush and crossing her arms. "So what now?"

He looked around her room, "Whatever you'd like. Your room is very pink."

She laughed, "Yes it is and I have no idea. I wanted to hang out more but I'm actually pretty tired."

His face fell and his shoulders slumped. "Oh, ok. I'll just head back to Giles'," He mumbled.

Buffy felt horrible, he looked like a kicked puppy. "You could stay if you want." As soon as the words left her mouth she blushed furiously.

His face brightened, "Are you sure?"

She nodded and turned to look at the bed, "You can take the bed, I'll sleep on the floor."

He immediately shook his head, "I'll take the floor, I don't mind."

They continued to argue until Buffy sighed, "We'll just share the bed ok?"

He shrugged before slipping off his shoes, belt and jacket leaving him in just pants and a short sleeve white undershirt. The pair climbed into the bed but found they would have to touch so Buffy pushed aside her feelings of awkwardness and tucked herself into the crook of his arm. The pair laid in silence for a while until Buffy spoke up.

"Angel?"

"Hmm?"

"Do angels… you know…"

He frowned, "I'm an angel Buffy, not a mind reader. At least not right now. I need more than that."

She shifted and hesitantly laid a hand across his flat stomach, "Do angels have… sex?"

To her surprise Angel laughed softly, "And why do you ask?"

She was glad it was dark because she was blushing furiously. "Well it's just you're not how I picture an angel and I know you're different anyway but you also smoke and cuss and Spike did too and you just don't seem…"

"Devine," he finished.

She nodded and waited for him to answer. "To answer your question no, angel's don't have sex. We're capable of course but most choose to not partake in sins of the flesh."

Her heart was beating so fast she was sure it was going to burst. "Most?"

"There's a few who do but it's almost always with humans and not as enjoyable as it should be."

"Why not?"

He laughed again, "When you're focusing on hiding your wings the entire time to not scare the bejeezus out of someone you can't really lose yourself in the act."

She nodded against him before answering the question she had been wanting to. "So are you one of the angels who um… has sex?"

His hand came out of nowhere as his fingers slid into her hair, "Why so many questions slayer?"

"Just wondering."

He raised an eyebrow but didn't push it. "I come down here when I can and look for comfort, look for a short reprieve from the constant war. Spike does too. I already have so many sins what do a few more matter?"

She nodded and was about to speak again but was stopped by a pair of soft lips. She froze with wide eyes before responding and let out a small noise of disappointment when he pulled back a second later before it could go further. Angel smiled at her put out expression and lightly kissed her forehead, "Go to sleep slayer, that's enough questions for now."


	9. Chapter 9

When Buffy woke the next day she was alone which bothered her more than she wanted to admit. Last night had been wonderful; talking to him one on one, the kiss, falling asleep in his strong arms. She couldn't wait to see him again and it took almost no time at all for her to get ready and walk to school.

A few hours later her good mood had morphed into a pretty bad mood. She had wanted to stop by the library and see if Angel was there but a teacher had pulled her aside to discuss one of her assignments and it had taken up all her free time so she had to go to all her classes before she could check the library again. Lunch time finally arrived and she instantly walked to the library only to frown at the sight of Giles alone in his office. "Where's Angel?"

Giles looked up from a book he was reading and matched her frown. "I think we need to speak about your and Liam's… erm… relationship."

Seeing Buffy's less than amused expression he sighed heavily and removed his glasses to polish them. "Buffy you need to be careful around him, we still don't know what his intentions are. He didn't come back to my home last night and I can only assume he was with you."

"We didn't do anything Giles. He just thought you could use the break."

His stare showed how much he didn't believe that sentence. "Still Buffy, he's a supernatural being and he's at the very least dangerous and unstable."

She bit her lip at his words, realizing the truth in them even though she didn't want to. "I'll be careful Giles, where is he though?"

He shook his head, "I have no clue and that worries me."

The rest of the school day passed slowly as she repeatedly thought about what Giles had said and wondered where Angel was. With heavy feet she walked to the library where Xander and Willow were already seated and working on homework. She dropped down next to Willow and got out all her books before spreading them out across the table and getting to work. About a half hour later a voice next to her ear scared her half to death.

"What are you working on?"

She jumped as she looked at Angel who had suddenly appeared and Willow and Xander screamed as Giles ran out of his office to see what was happening. Xander glared at Angel and was about to say something but a thin ring of red in the angel's eyes stopped him.

Giles glanced around the room before looking at Angel, "How did you just get in here?"

"Doesn't matter."

A huff escaped the watcher. "Alright, well where were you?" Giles asked cautiously.

"Not here." Buffy frowned at his attitude and evasiveness before she noticed a small smear of blood on his right hand. "Is that blood?"

He followed her gaze to his hand before he wiped it against his pants, "Missed a spot. Nothing to worry about."

Everyone was officially uncomfortable so Buffy took the lead, "Is that yours?"

"No."

Buffy swallowed thickly, "Who's is it?"

He suddenly looked aggravated, "I had to take care of something and I did. End of story, I don't owe any of you an explanation."

"I believe you do," Giles said simply. "You're here and we're helping you and I believe you at least owe us that."

Angel's eyes narrowed as his tongue licked one of his sharp canines, his agitation with the situation turning into anger. He stood and walked away from the table before meeting Giles' challenging stare, "It's a boy's blood, or at least it was before I killed him. It was on my to do list and since I was here I went ahead and took care of it."

Buffy thought she was going to get sick and barely registered Willow's choked sob and Xanders cry of outrage. "You killed a child?"

He crossed his arms defensively, "I was ordered to. He had no soul he needed to be erased. He was a mistake."

"But a child? He had no control over it," Giles countered.

To everyone's surprise Angel released a maniacal laugh, his fangs visible as his eyes turned blood red. "You all seriously don't get it do you? This is what I do, what I was made for. He had no soul, he was just an empty shell capable of pure evil." His attention snapped to Buffy, "What did you think I meant when I said I did whatever it took to protect Home?"

Buffy couldn't believe this was happening, "Not this."

Angel shook his head condescendingly, "You're more naive than I thought."

Giles glanced outside where it was beginning to rain and frowned when he remembered that the forecast called for high temperatures and sunshine today. He glanced at Angel who was still arguing with Buffy and flinched when a loud crack of thunder echoed through the library just as Angel finally lost his temper.

"You think you're better than me? You think everything is black and white? You think you have the right to judge me?" He clenched his teeth and balled his fists before suddenly disappearing with a cry of pure frustration.

Buffy, Xander, and Willow just sat there in shock staring at the spot where he had disappeared. Giles however was staring outside, where the sun had suddenly appeared.

No one saw any sign of Angel for the next week and Giles was starting to believe that he had somehow returned to heaven. Xander and Willow felt relieved at the disappearance of the out of control angel but Buffy was feeling lost and confused. The more she thought about what had transpired the more she felt she had handled it badly. If what he said was true and the boy had no soul then he could be a danger to everyone. Also if God commanded it who was she, as a mere mortal, to question it? She released a heavy sigh as she walked through the graveyard alone on patrol wondering if she would ever see him again. Her wondering halted when she heard a scream on the other side of the cemetery. She ran quickly but stopped when she saw Angel and two demons.

Angel was standing between them with a bloody nose and an evil smirk, the blood only adding to his almost demonic appearance. His gaze met hers for a moment before he clapped his hands together, "It's been fun but I'm going to have to call it a night."

The demons only had a second to look confused before they started screaming and fell to the earth dead. Buffy's eyes widened at the sight, Angel had killed them without lifting a hand. She slowly started backing away but stopped when he looked down at the ground, "I didn't mean to scare you the last time we spoke." When he looked up his face was clean and completely human looking, no blood, fangs or red eyes in sight.

She watched as he slipped his hands into his pockets in a non-threatening gesture. "What did you just do to those demons?"

"Smote them. Sent them back to hell."

"How though?"

He shrugged, "Thought it."

She watched as he took a hesitant step forward but stopped when she took a step back. "You weren't that powerful last week."

He shook his head, "No I wasn't. My wings are growing back extremely quickly; they're almost fully formed. I can almost do everything I could before. Please don't be scared of me."

Buffy's hands flew out to her sides, "How can I not Angel? You killed a child. You kill things with your mind."

"But I had to. I have to do what's asked of me Buffy and that's been on the list since he was born I just never had the time. I didn't kill him just because I felt like it. Do you really think I'm capable of that?" he asked softly, the hurt clearly heard in his voice.

She wrapped her arms around herself, "I don't know what you're capable of." What else has he done? Is he really an angel? She spun around when he suddenly appeared directly behind her.

"I'm an angel. I know I've given you a lot of reasons to doubt me but I really am an angel."

Buffy's jaw dropped, "Did you just read my mind?"

This was not going well. "Accidently. You were thinking so loud that I couldn't ignore it. Please though Buffy, please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry for all the things I said but I'm not sorry for doing what's required of me."

The pair stared at each other in silence, both knowing it was up to Buffy if he would stay or leave. Finally after what felt like hours she offered a small smile, "I'll try to not get in the way of your job if you work on your attitude."

He grinned, "Deal." He held out his hand and Buffy slipped her fingers between his before they walked together through the cemetery. "You won't find any more vampires or demons here tonight, they know I'm here."

"Well do you want to go to the bronze with me?"

He nodded, "Sure, why not. Picture it for me." She frowned but did as told and a moment later it felt like her entire body was being pulled in a hundred different directions. Everything was a blur and a roar was sounding in her ears so loud she couldn't think.

"You ok?" Angel asked a second later.

She looked up at him and looked to her left where the entrance of the Bronze stood. "Did we just fly here?"

He nodded with a boyish smile and an excited expression, "Cool isn't it?"

"Something like that," she said as she tried to take a step only to find her legs didn't want to support her. Large hands on her waist held her upright until she could gather herself. After a couple minutes she pulled away from him, "Ok, better now. Come on lets go in."

He followed her as she weaved through the crowd until finally spotting Willow and Xander sitting at a table and heading for them. "Hey guys!" she said happily.

"Hi Buffy! Where were…oh." Willow's eyes grew huge at the sight of Angel standing behind her. "Um..hi Angel."

He smiled, "Hello Willow. Sorry about last week I didn't mean to scare any of you. Please accept my apology."

Willow glanced at Buffy who nodded to show things were ok. "Um.. sure, I accept it."

"Well I don't," Xander spat as he stood up to glare at Angel.

Angel watched as the boy stepped forward to him, his glare faltering when he realized just how large Angel really was. He had to give the boy credit, not many would stand up to him. "I'm sorry to hear that Alexander, maybe with time you can."

Xander sputtered in annoyance when Angel sat down and dismissed him but didn't say anything because of a pleading look from Buffy. Knowing he needed to just try to ignore the fact that the man across from him was a psychotic angel on missions from who knows where he forced himself to adopt a neutral expression. "So where you been Angel?"

Xander's eyebrows shot up when Angel suddenly took a sip of a dark beer that hadn't been there a second before. "Around, I never left."

He noticed that Xander was staring at his drink, "Guinness, want one?"

"I'm only sixteen."

A chuckle escaped the angel, "So? You want one or not? Something else?"

Buffy spoke up, "I'll take a coke. Willow you want something?"

"An iced tea please," she said quietly.

"I'll have a Mountain Dew," Xander finally answered. As soon as the words left his mouth everyone's drinks were in front of them. Willow and Buffy instantly started drinking theirs but Xander just stared at his drink. "It's not poisoned right?"

Angel shook his head with a smile as he downed the last of his beer, the glass instantly refilling as it hit the table. "I'm not that subtle or compassionate. If I wanted you dead it would be much more painful and obvious."

Not knowing how to respond to that Xander just grabbed his drink and turned to look at the dance floor. His eyes widened at the sight of a woman dancing with long maroon colored hair dressed in tight leather. Her extremely tall and voluptuous figure barely concealed by her outfit.

Buffy watched the woman dance by herself and couldn't help but be jealous, she was beautiful. She subtly looked at Angel who had his eyes locked on the woman but unlike every other boy he didn't look entranced, he looked pissed. He shoved himself away from the table and walked over to her. She smiled mischievously at him and pulled him to slow dance with her.

"What are you doing here Abaddon?" Angel growled as the woman pulled him closer.

She melted against him and wrapped her arms around his waist, "Just enjoying the night life Liam, same as you are."

He pursed his lips together, "Leave now before I kill you."

Abaddon brought her lips to his neck and kissed it softly, her forked tongue dragging along the edge of his ear. "Cute. You could try little boy." Her hands rose from his waist and wrapped themselves around the edges of his wings which were visible to her as she pushed herself shamelessly against him. "God I want you," she groaned into his ear. "Your wings are magnificent and they're not even fully grown in yet," she whispered as her hands caressed the black feathers.

Angel cringed at the unwelcome and intimate touches and grabbed her arms to remove her from him. "Last warning."

She smirked and dropped her hands back to his hips, her fingers hooking in his belt loops to pull his him against her again when he tried to step back. "He doesn't deserve you. He punishes you for what you are. Do you know what you are Liam?"

He simply glared.

"You're imperfect in every possible way. So confused, conflicted. Always wondering if what you're doing is the right thing. You're beautifully imperfect."

He smiled cruelly as he lowered his lips to her ear, "Do you know what's perfect Abaddon?"

She shivered from the touch of his lips on her ear before shaking her head slightly.

"Perfect is what it's going to be when I rip your wings off of you and snap your neck."

She jerked back slightly and took a step back, "I'll see you soon Liam." With a parting wink she disappeared into the crowd leaving Angel silently fuming. He turned to look at Buffy who was watching him with a hurt expression.

He made his way back to the table and sat down unceremoniously next to her. "Give me a chance to explain before you get upset."

She nodded stiffly and crossed her arms, "Ok Angel, explain to me why you were grinding against that woman while she molested you."

"That was a demon."

She scoffed, Xander doing the same. "Even better, so you were dancing with a demon."

He raked a hand through his hair, "I was talking to him, he's the one that was turning it into a groping session."

"He?" Willow asked.

Angel leaned back in his chair, "Yes, him. His name is Abaddon and he's one of the strongest demons in hell, second only to Lucifer. He chooses how he wants to appear and this time he obviously chose a woman."

"Are you gay?" Xander asked.

Angel turned to look at him slowly before shaking his head. "That's what you're focusing on? I tell you a powerful demon from hell was just here and you ask if I'm gay?" Seeing the boys nod he rolled his eyes. "No I'm not but he's attracted to everyone and everything. He figures he catches more flies with honey than vinegar."

"What did he want?" Buffy asked, her slayer side showing up at the mention that the she was a he and the he was a demon.

Angel shook his head, "I don't know but he's definitely here for something. As much as I hate to say it I think he's here for me. He always wanted me gone and now's his chance." In a surprisingly human gesture he dropped his forehead to the table and groaned.

Buffy placed her hand on his back and rubbed his shoulders, "We'll deal with him."

Hearing the confidence in her voice made him smile, "Glad you're so confident."

She looked at her friends who were trying to ignore Angel and stood, "I'm going home, I'll talk to you guys later."

After saying goodbye to everyone Angel and Buffy started their walk home hand in hand. He had offered to fly but Buffy didn't seem to enjoy it as much as he did. As they walked Buffy watched him out of the corner of her eye. A frown was covering his face and he looked very deep in thought, most likely about the demon that had appeared. "Angel?"

He startled for a second before looking down at her, "Yes?"

"Why didn't you just kill Alibaba?"

He smiled, "I didn't kill Abaddon because I'm not strong enough to. Even on my best day it would be a challenge but right now it's impossible. Plus the risk of collateral damage was too high."

Buffy nodded, "The bronze was pretty packed tonight."

"Not them Buffy, you."

Not wanting to start another argument she simply stared straight ahead and ignored the fact that he was willing to overlook so many human lives. When they arrived at her house they stood on the front porch bathed in darkness.

Feeling uncomfortable and awkward suddenly she looked at the ground to get away from his intense stare. Her eyebrows knitted together as she leaned down to grab something from next to Angel. When she stood and inspected it better she saw it was a small black down feather.

Angel blushed furiously and looked away when she looked at him with questioning eyes, "That's embarrassing." Seeing her confused expression he continued, "I'm molting."

Her eyebrows shot up, "This came from you? Where are your wings though?"

"Yeah that's one of mine. They're trying to appear but aren't able to yet. Molting is the last thing so as soon as my new feathers come in they'll manifest."

She smiled as she twirled the feather between her fingers, "It's so soft."

"It's down. It's from the underside of them near the base." He watched as she slipped the feather into her pocket and yawned before smiling up at him. "Guess I should go to bed."

He wanted to join her but since she didn't ask or invite him to he stayed silent. "Goodnight Buffy."

She stepped forward and hugged him tightly, the smell of spice and fresh rain assaulting her senses. With a content sigh she looked up at him and raised herself on her tippy toes to kiss him. When his lips met hers she allowed her eyes to drift shut as he wrapped his body around hers.

Angel had meant for this to be a small kiss like before but now that it was happening and she was in his arms he couldn't stop. He slowly nudged her backwards until her back was against the house, her small body pressed against his as he devoured her lips. His hands dropped to her hips as he pressed into her harder, his tongue gliding against hers as they spiraled out of control. When she needed air she turned her head slightly and Angel moved his lips along her ear and down to her neck where he licked and nipped at her skin. She groaned at the contact and threaded a hand through his hair to pull him closer.

"Angel, we have to stop," she whispered when his hands rose to her waist under her white shirt.

With reluctance he kissed back up her neck to her lips before slowly pulling away and staring at her. His eyes were almost completely black giving him an otherworldly appearance. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

She nodded before turning and entering her house. As soon as the door clicked shut she slumped against it with a small smile and licked her lips, the taste of Angel still upon them.


	10. Chapter 10

Angel didn't show up for a few days after kissing Buffy but she wasn't too concerned. They had left on good terms and now that she had a somewhat better understanding of some of the things he did she was much more prepared for when he did reappear.

It was after school during quarterstaff training when he suddenly appeared on top of the stacks. Buffy and Giles didn't notice him at first and when Giles did finally notice him he frowned heavily.

"I thought you were gone."

Angel, who was sitting on top of one of the stacks reading War and Peace, gently set the book down and leaned back against the wall while his feet dangled and kicked absently. "Good to see you too Giles."

Giles pursed his lips together and went to say something but jumped back when Angel suddenly appeared a foot in front of him. Seeing he had scared him he took a step back and adopted a chastised look, "Sorry."

Giles set down his quarterstaff and glanced at Buffy who was getting a drink of water off the counter, not at all concerned about the angel's sudden reappearance. She had obviously seen him before now. "Did you just teleport?"

Angel shook his head, "Flew, wings are pretty much back. Look Giles…" He paused as he gathered his thoughts. "I want to apologize for last week. You were right that I owed you an explanation and I'm sorry for losing my temper. You've been nothing but good to me, even cared for me instead of taking advantage of the fact that I was a wounded angel. I hope we can move past this."

Giles watched him closely to see if he was insincere in any way but he looked like he was telling the truth. He sighed and removed his glasses before wiping them, "I thank you for your apology Angel but I have a question before I accept it."

Angel cocked his head to show he was listening and waited for the question.

"I believe we've covered quite a bit in conversation but something has been bothering me and I feel I need to just ask you outright." He took a few steps back, "Angel are you evil?"

A crooked smile showed on his lips as he laughed, "You're a brave one I'll give you that. Or crazy. So you ask me this and what if I say I am? What if right now I give you your answer then smite you to the darkest pits of hell where you won't even be able to think of peace because you can't stop screaming?" He watched Giles take another step back and Buffy start to tense. "Or how's this, are you and the slayer evil?"

Buffy instantly shouted, "I am not evil!"

Angel turned his attention to her and continued speaking calmly and in a light tone, "But you kill things. What if what you kill are the ones that deserve to live, or that are supposed to live in the grand scheme and you destroy them because you're choosing to play God? What if you've killed things that weren't evil, they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time?"

Giles frowned heavily as he thought about everything, "You didn't answer the question."

Angel's age was suddenly very apparent in his tone and his eyes, "You'd think heaven and hell would be black and white but its not. There are more shades of gray than you can grasp."

"You're evading the question."

Angel shrugged, "I feel I've given you your answer but you pick out of what I said what you choose. But I'd like to ask you a question, what is evil? Who's to say your version isn't different than mine?"

Buffy watched him closely but wasn't getting hostile vibes off of him to she stayed calm and looked at Giles who looked deep in thought.

"I suppose but I don't think your version is correct. After all my transgressions aren't burned into my skin."

Angel's eyes reddened instantly but he forced himself to stay calm. Giles was baiting him and he knew it, after all he wasn't new to the game. He stared down at the floor and bit his tongue so hard the metallic taste of blood flooded over his taste buds.

Giles watched the angel closely and was surprised that he hadn't attacked verbally or physically at the under the belt comment. "I concede. You provide valid points. I accept your apology." He cleaned his glasses before pulling out a piece of paper, "Would you answer a few more questions for me?"

Angel nodded stiffly with his head down, still trying to rein himself in.

"When you had your… outburst last week the weather changed. Did that have anything to do with you?"

"Virtues control the weather, not Dominions," he said instantly.

Giles eyes narrowed, "That didn't answer my question."

Angel looked anywhere but at Giles, "No. No it didn't."

Knowing he wasn't going to get an answer he sighed again and moved onto a different topic. "So then there really are nine levels of angels?"

The large man nodded, obviously pleased to get away from the topic of himself for a moment. "Seraphim, Cherubim, Thrones, Dominions, Virtues, Powers, Principalities, Archangels, and Angels."

Giles switched into watcher mode and fired off another question, "And you are a Dominion?"

He nodded as Giles recited what he knew from memory, "Dominions regulate the duties of lower angels. It is only with extreme rarity that the angelic lords make themselves physically known to humans. They appear as divinely beautiful humans with a pair of feathered wings."

An amused smile covered Angel's face, "Gee Giles, you think I'm beautiful?"

Buffy watched Giles blush before she coughed trying to hide her laugh. "So the Archangels are towards the bottom? Like Michael and stuff?"

"Yes, drives him crazy. I mean all angels of course serve a purpose and one cannot exist without the others but some are more crucial than others. He used to be a lot more useful than he is now." He let out a small laugh. "He hates me."

Giles, who had been writing furiously looked up, "Why?"

Angel shrugged, "I replaced him. Father brought in younger blood and it more than pissed him off. Pisses him off I'm so much more powerful too. Guy's kind of an ass."

Buffy walked over to the library table and sat down as she pictured an old man pissed off at Angel for taking his job. Her thought were interrupted when Giles asked a very good question, "Why have we never heard of you?"

"Why would you?" Angel countered. "I'm new so I'm not in any bibles and very rarely do I come to earth. It would be strange if you had."

A thought occurred to Giles as he thought about everything he knew about Dominions. "Where is your orb of light?"

"In the pommel of my sword."

Giles frowned, "And where is your sword?"

Angel was silent for a moment obviously trying to decide if he wanted to answer the watcher's question. "It's always with me, just not where you can see it."

Giles finished his notes and tucked them away before looking at Buffy who was sitting at the table watching the two of them interact. "Anything to report Buffy, anything new?"

She shook her head before snapping her fingers, "Angel tell Giles about that he/she demon thing. Alida or whatever."

Angel crossed his arms across his chest, "Abaddon, ever heard of him?"

Giles paled, "He was here? In Sunnydale?"

Angel nodded, "Yes, and I think he's here for me."

Buffy's watcher dropped down heavily into a chair and shook his head. "Honestly, how powerful are you Angel? Is he going to kill you?"

The slayer's attention snapped to Angel who glanced at her before meeting Giles' stare, "I'm more powerful than either of you realize but I don't know who will come out on top."

"Let's find out shall we?"

Everyone turned sharply to stare at the new arrival in the library. Giles frowned at the tall woman and his eyebrows shot up when Buffy whispered, "Abaddon."

The woman sauntered over to Angel and offered a small pout, "It doesn't have to be like this Liam. We don't have to be enemies."

Angel's eyes reddened, "Yes we do and it ends now, one way or the other. I will not keep looking over my shoulder for you."

Adabbon shrugged, "Have it your way," before running forward and grabbing Angel and disappearing, Angel's wide eyes meeting Buffy's before only she and Giles remained in the library.

Buffy looked around frantically before looking at Giles, "Call Willow and Xander and have them meet at your house. I'm going to look for Angel." Not waiting for a response she ran out of the library and into the night desperate to find Angel.

When she finally found them she stopped at the edge of the trees and watched the pair. Angel was lying on the ground bleeding from a gash in his hairline and trying to get up, which was proving difficult with Abaddon's foot on his chest.

"You foolish child. I've existed since God cast out Lucifer, did you really think you could beat me?"

Angel chuckled darkly and removed Abaddon's foot from him with a remarkable show of strength before standing up and shaking his head. "You have no idea who I am do you?"

The woman looked confused for a moment, "Commander?"

"More than that." Angel laughed menacingly as he removed his jacket and shirt. His eyes turned blood red and his fangs descended. "Your stupidity will cost you."

Buffy's eyes widened at his perfect body and she gasped when Angel's wings materialized out of nowhere. They were massive, at least eight feet each and towered over him. Each one was spread wide, the tips so sharp they looked like they could cut glass and the bases so black that they blended into the night. There were hundreds of feathers covering them and each one was long and wide, the sheen on them perfectly reflecting the moonlight that was cast over the two.

Her attention was brought back to Abaddon who was glaring at the massive black wings. "So that's how its going to be? Fine."

A horrible ripping sound reached Buffy's ears and she withheld a gag when the woman's skin seemed to rip in half to reveal a huge demon. He was taller than angel and also had massive wings, made of thin brown skin and sharp bones. His tongue was forked and stuck out from between his jagged teeth, his tail swishing back and forth across the grass.

Buffy watched as they bared their teeth at each other, hands at their sides and ready while their wings tried to make them look as large as possible. It was beautifully feral, beautifully animalistic.

They stared at each other as they circled, both waiting for their opponent to make the first move. With a screech Abaddon surged forward, his wings propelling him up and forward. Angel mirrored the action and when the two met it was with such force that Buffy was knocked unconscious.

Teeth, wings, fists, and feet clashed viciously as growls and screams could be heard from both. Blood and feathers coated the earth as they each fought for victory. Angel drew first blood with a vicious right hook but was knocked to the ground when Abaddon tackled him, his tail quickly wrapping around Angel's neck trying to crush it.

A scream erupted from the demons throat when Angel grabbed the tail to rip it off but just before it was severed Abaddon reached out with his clawed hands and raked them across Angel's face and chest before attacking again.

Angel rolled backwards and shook his wings out as he stood, his opponent doing the same. Knowing this needed to end soon his hand dropped to his side, a large broadsword with a glowing handle appearing in his grip. Abaddon, who had been trying to get his wings to cooperate after receiving so much damage, eyed it before smiling and lunging forward again.

The fight continued neither giving an inch until Abaddon was finally able to grab one of Angel's wings and pulled as hard as he could, his claws savagely ripping through the feathers and flesh and breaking the bones. Angel screamed in pain and tried to get him away, accidently dropping his broadsword in the process. With wide eyes he watched as Abaddon grabbed his dropped sword and raised it, ready to deliver the killing blow.


	11. Chapter 11

Buffy groaned as she came to and after realizing what had happened she jumped up and looked around for anyone. The spot where they were was deathly quiet and she quickly started looking around for Angel. When she reached the edge near the trees her eyes widened at the sight of Abaddon. He was stuck in a tree blood dripping from his neck, his wings stuck at odd angels next to his body and his head lying near the bottom of the tree. It looked like it had been ripped off.

She allowed a feeling of relief to flow over her but the question still remained, where was Angel? Her feet moved silently along the edge of the trees and she gasped at the sight she was met with a small distance away. Angel was slumped against a large tree, a sword through his chest pinning him to the bark and keeping him upright. Blood dripped from his slack lips and flowed from his chest. The worst were his wings, which were splayed to the side limp and covered in blood. Feathers were missing and one wing was obviously broken, bone protruding from the top of the limp appendage.

Large tears began running down her face as she approached him slowly. "Oh Angel."

This wasn't how it was supposed to end, not like this. He was an angel of the lord and good always conquered evil. Right? But this wasn't a movie where everything wrapped up neatly, this was real life. She dropped to her knees in front of him and started to sob.

Angel suddenly sucked in a breath and his eyes snapped open before he began coughing wetly. A groan escaped him as his hands wrapped around the sword handle sticking out of him. With gritted teeth he pulled it out before collapsing onto the unforgiving earth on his wing causing him to scream in pain.

Buffy could only stare in shock before crawling over to him and grabbing his face, "I thought you were dead. How can I help? What can I do?"

His face was tight with pain and his entire body was drenched in blood, "My wing," he panted. "Move my wing please."

She stared at the broken and battered wing and gently tried to move it but stopped when Angel gritted his teeth and groaned again. "Just do it!" he yelled.

Without hesitation she jerked the wing out from under him and withheld a sob when he screamed in pure agony. "We need to get out of here. We're too vulnerable."

"How?" she asked. "You can't even move."

He tried to sit up but fell back, his eyes drifting to his wings which were so damaged he couldn't get them to respond. "I'll have to improvise. I need something from you."

Buffy nodded, "Anything. What do you need?"

"Your soul."

She stiffened and backed away slightly. "Is this a joke? Or a trick?"

He shook his head, "I know how it sounds but I need it. Souls are the only thing similar to what's in angels. I just need to borrow it. You'll be fine and as soon as we're at Giles' I'll give it back."

She looked worried, "Will it hurt?"

"No, not at all. You'll feel empty, depressed but that's all. I hate to even ask for it but it's all I can think of. It'll heal me almost completely since you're the slayer but as soon as I give it back I'll return to this." His wing twitched and he arched off the ground in pain.

She nodded, "Ok, take it."

Not waiting for her to reconsider he thrust his hand inside of her chest and after a second the two were engulfed in light. When the light faded Angel stood up, healed except for a small cut on his cheek. He flapped his wings a few times experimentally before grabbing a lost looking Buffy and disappearing.

They appeared a second later in Giles' living room causing the watcher to jump and spill his tea. He took in Buffy's lost look and the cut on Angel's cheek. "Abaddon?"

"Dead," he answered. "Things went downhill though and I got pretty messed up. Long story short I borrowed Buffy's soul but when I return it I'll revert back."

"You what!" Giles shouted.

Angel turned towards him as he guided Buffy to the couch. "No time for that, I need to get it back to her before my body tries to absorb it. Ready?"

Giles looked at Angel and Buffy and nodded slowly, unsure of what exactly was about to happen. Angel kneeled on the floor in front of Buffy and thrust his hand into her chest causing Giles to gasp at the sight. A bright light engulfed the pair again before Buffy fell back onto the couch and Angel groaned as he collapsed onto the floor.

"Dear Lord in heaven," whispered Giles.

Angel fell face first onto the floor with his large wings splayed over the couch and the other laying on the floor all the way to the wall. Blood dripped from them and Giles swallowed the bile in his throat at the large hole in the angel's torso. To see such a powerful being reduced to a mess of blood and broken wings was more upsetting than he could have imagined.

"Giles."

He snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Buffy who was crouched by Angel's head gently rubbing it. "We need to get him cleaned up."

He nodded and walked out of the room mindful of the large wings across the floor. Suddenly the door burst open revealing Xander and Willow who looked shocked at the sight they were met with.

Willow met Buffy's eyes and saw the obvious fear in her best friends eyes. "Oh Buffy, what happened?"

Xander shook his head in awe at the carnage in front of him, "Something very, very bad." Finding he couldn't help himself he lifted his hand and gently touched Angel's wing that was draped over the couch and was shocked at how soft it was. His hands lightly moved through the feathers but he jerked back when the wing twitched and Angel hissed in pain, his eyes flashing red as be bared his fangs. "Sorry," he mumbled with a blush when everyone glared at him.

Giles appeared a moment later with buckets of water and towels, "Good, we need all the help we can get. Willow take the left wing, I'll take the broken one. Buffy get him cleaned up, Xander go and get all the medical supplies you can find." Everyone nodded and began doing as told.

Giles gently began separating blood and dirt from the feathers with warm water being mindful of the damaged areas. Every once in a while Angel would groan and show his fangs but for the most part he simply laid there whimpering softly. The hours ticked by until Angel was mostly clean, now the hard part came. "Angel?"

The angel didn't reply just laid there brokenly on the floor so Giles continued.

"We can patch your body but we aren't sure what to do with your…um… wings. There's broken bones, missing feathers and a few holes."

Angel looked like he wanted to cry or attack someone, his feral nature at the surface because of his injuries. "The feathers will grow back but you'll have to set the bones and stitch the holes. God I wish Spike was here."

Giles frowned but Buffy shook her head and began rubbing his head, "Can we give you something before Giles tries to do that?"

He shook his head, "My metabolism is too high, nothing will work. I'm fine though."

Giles nodded and took a deep breath, "Prepare yourself Liam, I'll try to be quick." He grabbed the exposed bone and pushed it back into its natural position and taped it ignoring Angel's harsh breathing and gasps. Buffy simply cradled his head in her lap and rubbed her hand through his hair comfortingly, even wiping the blood away from his mouth when his fangs pierced his lips.

At the intense pain from the stitches and his bones being set his other now clean wing began flapping wildly, knocking Xander down who had just appeared with clean towels. "What the hell man!"

Knowing he was in too much pain to answer Giles did, "He can't control it, step back and give it room."

When the task was finally done Angel was panting heavily and trembling on the living room floor of Giles' house, his eyes and teeth finally back to normal now that the worst had passed. Xander and Willow were seated at the dining room table with Giles while Buffy stayed by him.

"Angel are you able to retract your wings so you can move to the bedroom?"

Everyone watched as his left wing slowly retracted until it was tucked against his back but the other only twitched slightly, "No, it won't move."

Xander watched Angel on the floor and couldn't help but feel bad for him. No he wasn't his favorite person, or angel or whatever the hell he was but he didn't deserve this. He stood and walked over to the couch and grabbed a pillow before kneeling down and placing it next to Angel's head. "Here dude, need anything else?"

Angel lifted his head slightly and met his eyes knowing that the gesture was more than just an offering of a pillow, "Thanks Xander."

Xander nodded once before looking at Willow, "Come on Will, I'll walk you home." Once they disappeared through the door Giles showed Buffy to the guestroom and clicked off the living room light leaving Angel alone with his pain and his thoughts.

Many hours later Buffy woke with a feeling that something wasn't right. She threw off the comforter and creeped around the corner of the hallway towards the living room to check on Angel but paused when she heard a choked voice.

"Why have you forsaken me?"

He sounded so broken, so lost. She could tell he was crying, the strain obvious in his broken tone. Waiting a few minutes for him to get it together she finally entered the living room and walked over to where he was lying on the floor, still unable to move because of his wing. "Hey," she whispered.

He didn't move or acknowledge her so she simply sat down next to him. Finally he spoke softly, "I deserve to die."

Startled at his words she shook her head instantly, "Angel's never deserve to die."

"I've done so much wrong Buffy. So many things I can never tell you. Father doesn't want me and Lucifer's never going to give up. I need to just die."

"You can't give up Angel," she said softly. "I know what's it like when you're broken and down but you have to keep going. Heaven needs you, people need you. I need you."

He turned his head to look at her and tapped the floor next to him with his palm. She slid next to him on the floor slightly under his left wing, which was relaxed against his back. "I was so scared Angel, I thought you were dead."

He smiled and softly kissed her head as a comforting gesture and as a thank you for her words, "I did too. I still don't know how I managed to kill him."

"He hurt you so badly."

"Tell me about it," he whispered. The pair descended into silence until his wing began to twitch.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, my wing won't relax. Some of my feathers must not be sitting right."

She sat up and glanced at the wing, "Can I help?"

He looked uncomfortable for a second until he nodded, "I'll let it out a little and look for feathers that are bent." His wing slowly began to expand and he stopped when Buffy exclaimed she found the affected area.

He felt her small hands touch his wings and began fiddling with his feathers until it felt correct again. Her hands didn't move away though, just began touching the other feathers and massaging her hands underneath them reaching the soft down layer. His eyes drifted close as she continued scratching his wings all the way down to where they met his back.

When she heard his breath become shallow she stopped, "Are you ok? Does this hurt?"

He swallowed thickly. "Definitely doesn't hurt," he answered huskily. She frowned before her eyes widened and a grin covered her face. Her hands applied more pressure to the undamaged wing and she blushed when he released a soft groan.

"Buffy you should stop."

"Why?" she asked innocently before gently tugging on his feathers, which caused him to gasp.

"Because you have no idea what you're doing to me right now and I'm way to messed up to take it further."

Reality crashed down on her like a bucket of ice water and she jerked her hands away. "I'm sorry, does your other wing hurt?"

"Don't be sorry and yes it does. I've had much worse but not in a very long time." He yawned as his eyelids drooped shut.

Buffy could tell he was trying to stay awake and laid back down next to him. She combed her fingers through his hair and leaned forward to softly kiss his cheek, "Go to sleep."

He yawned again and burrowed his face deeper into the pillow from Giles' couch, "Promise you'll be here when I wake up."

She rolled onto her back next to him and smiled when Angle's wing automatically covered her slightly, "I promise."


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning when Buffy woke she was laying on the couch with a blanket draped over her, the smell of coffee drifting from the kitchen. She pushed the blanket off of her and walked to the kitchen where she saw Giles seated at the kitchen table reading the morning paper with a cup of tea and Angel sitting on a barstool staring at the wall with an extremely focused expression. His wings were visible and relaxed behind him, his left tucked neatly against his back and the right slightly expanded. All the gauze was off of him and he looked almost completely healed except for the large scar on his chest and back, but that would most likely disappear soon.

Giles looked up and smiled in greeting, "Did you sleep well?"

She nodded distractedly as she looked at Angel who had yet to acknowledge her presence. Figuring he must be very deep in thought she poured herself some coffee and sat down next to Giles. She raised the cup to her lips but jumped when Angel suddenly laughed, the sound joined by another set of male laughter a moment later.

Seeing another man suddenly appear in his kitchen caused Giles to jump and produce a knife out of seemingly nowhere.

Spike eyed the knife, "Won't be needing that, won't do much good anyway. Now what's for breakfast?"

After recovering from the shock of another person appearing out of nowhere Buffy looked at Angel, "Is that what you were doing? Talking to Spike?"

He nodded and smiled at her in greeting as Spike came to stand behind him and gently grab his damaged wing before stretching it out, ignoring him when he hissed in pain.

Giles came to the obvious conclusion that Spike was another angel and watched the pairs interaction carefully. He watched as the bleached blonde man carefully stretched out the wing and began combing his fingers through the midnight colored feathers and gliding his hands over the stitched areas and broken bones. The entire time he was extremely focused while Liam looked relaxed and content only flinching when Spike hit a damaged area. Angel seemed to be oblivious to his and Buffy's stares and after a short time allowed his eyes to slide close as a content noise escaped him.

Spike's fingers worked through the feathers pulling out clumps of debris that they had obviously missed and realigned feathers that were already trying to grow back. Eventually he stepped back, "Did a good job. I'd fix you but I don't have it in me right now."

He shook his head, "Not your job to take care of me William. I'll be fine by tonight."

The younger looking man nodded before clapping his hands together startling Buffy and her watcher. "As I was saying, breakfast?"

Buffy jumped up and began pouring him a cup of coffee as Giles stood and walked over to him, "Rupert Giles."

The man smiled widely and shook his hand, "Spike. So you're the watcher huh?"

"Yes, and you are…"

His chest puffed out proudly, "Commander. Well temporarily anyway until my boy here decides what he wants to be when he grows up." Angel rolled his eyes but remained silent. Buffy placed the cup of coffee on the table and Spike sat down and with a snap of his fingers a large breakfast appeared in front of him. Giles watched him for a moment until Spike looked up with a piece of bacon hanging out of his mouth. "If you have questions just ask. I'm a lot more friendly than peaches."

Giles glanced at Angel who shot Spike a glare before looking back at the young man in front of him. "So you're an angel, are you younger than Liam?"

Spike nodded, "Died in 1873. Only a thousand years old."

Giles scribbled the information down on a piece of paper, "And your name is William? Where did you hail from?"

"Same as you and yes it is but don't call me that. Only the ponce calls me that sometimes."

Giles glanced at Angel as a thought occurred to him. "Angel implied he was different than the other angels, is he different from you?"

Spike's gaze drifted to Angel who was watching the exchange through narrowed eyes. When Spike saw his small nod he turned to face Giles again who noticed the exchange, "Angel is your superior."

The younger man nodded once before going back to his previous question. "None of our brothers look like him at all. Wings and everything are different."

Giles licked his lips nervously, "Could you show me an example?"

Spike shrugged and stood before lifting the back of his shirt and allowing his wings to materialize. Giles quickly approached the man and looked at the appendages carefully. Each wing was completely white and about half as large as Angels. "They're much smaller than Angel's, white too."

"Gee thanks mate."

Giles blushed and tried to correct himself. "I um…. I…." He paused and gathered his thoughts, "I'm just trying to learn more about your species."

Angel's head shot up and he glared at Giles with hard eyes, "We're not animals at the zoo."

Spike looked over to his comrade's face where his eyes were glowing eerily. "Calm down peaches, man meant no harm." He turned and looked at Giles who was still watching Angel with unease. "Don't mind the poof, he's always had something stuck up his…"

"Spike!" Angel growled.

The younger angel grinned, "Anyways. He hasn't told you much about us as a whole has he?"

At Giles and Buffy's headshakes he sighed and grabbed some cookies off of a plate on the counter. "We're the same physically as you are, wings excluded of course. Wings are what connects us to upstairs, lets us communicate, keeps us healthy. Rule number one, never touch an angel's wings."

Angel left the room when Giles and Buffy frowned heavily. Spike felt Angel leave before he sighed, "You touched his didn't you? How many?"

Buffy and Giles both looked sheepish before Buffy answered, "Me, Giles, Willow and Xander."

Spike shook his head, "I get why you all had to and believe me it's better than just leaving them but when humans touch an angel's wings its about the same as demons. Burns 'em. Badly."

Both paled considerably while he continued. "The wings are the most sensitive and the most holy. Angelus' are different. Demons don't affect him at all but humans do."

"Why don't demons affect Angel's wings?"

"Because he's not…" he trailed off. "Actually I really can't answer that, not right to share if he hasn't. No one knows but dear old Dad, my knowing is actually an accident."

Buffy frowned in confusion before she spoke without thinking, "When I touched them it didn't seem like it hurt."

Spike grinned widely, a mischievous look covering his entire face. "Well now that's interesting. You'll have to talk to him about that though."

Buffy looked over to where Angel had been sitting and frowned when she didn't see him. She stood and walked through the house before finding him in his room experimentally expanding his wing. He was so engrossed in what he was doing he didn't hear her enter.

"They're beautiful."

He jumped before looking at her, "They're damaged."

She shrugged and took a step closer, "Doesn't matter they're still beautiful." She walked forward until she was standing in front of him and he allowed his wings to expand halfway, the large appendages almost reaching from one end of the room to the other even though they weren't fully out. Her hands reached out and touched the soft feathers working from the highest point she could reach towards his back and stopped when a shudder rippled through them. She looked at Angel's face and saw that his eyes were closed and his expression looked like pure bliss.

"Please don't stop," he whispered.

Her heart now beating erratically her hands began their ministrations again until she was massaging the bases of the large wings. Without warning Angel grabbed her close and smashed his lips to hers. The kiss was frantic and all consuming, it felt like her entire body was on fire. She ran her hands down his smooth back and eagerly lifted her arms when he lifted her shirt. Pants came next as the two battled for dominance, Angel finally winning when he pinned her to the wall. She moaned when he pressed himself against her and grabbed a handful of feathers as his wings flapped wildly. Suddenly as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on them Angel jerked back panting.

He backed away slowly until her was standing a few feet away, "I'm sorry."

She shook her head and took a step forward only to stop when he took a step back. "What's wrong?"

"Buffy, I can't do this. You're so young and innocent and this is bigger than you understand."

She felt small and young and she didn't like it. "Oh yes, my young and feeble mind is too weak to understand things."

She turned to grab her clothes and dressed before heading to the door. Her hand was on the door handle when she stopped at his words. "Spike told you about the wings right? How demons don't affect me yet humans do? That is hurts me when they're touched?"

Buffy turned and frowned at the fact that his pants were back on, even if they were unbuttoned. "Yes."

Angel continued, "But he didn't say why your touch doesn't hurt, did he?"

She waited for him to continue and he did a second later in a voice so quiet she was sure she would have missed his words if it weren't for her slayer hearing. "It doesn't hurt me because you're my mate."

The room was so tense she could barely breath, "Your what?"

He suddenly looked nervous and much smaller than he really was. His wings twitched nervously behind his back as he avoided eye contact. "Every angel has a soul mate and we have no control over who that person is. Sometimes it's other angels, sometimes demons, and sometimes humans. I didn't know you were mine until you touched my wings. Instead of pain your touch provides warmth, security, and trust."

She took a few steps towards him and was pleased when he didn't shy away. "Why didn't you tell me after you knew?"

"Because like I said, you're young and innocent. You have enough you deal with, you don't need me adding to your problems." He looked up and met her eyes, "Buffy I still might be evil, I still haven't chosen where I want to be."

She nodded, "So what happens now with the um.. mate thing?"

Angel turned and sat down on the edge of the bed, "Nothing. I'm not going to put you through that. The bond will fade and you might feel like something's missing for a while but that's it."

She sat down next to him on the bed and watched him carefully, "And what will happen to you?"

He stiffened slightly, "Nothing."

"You're not a very good liar."

A sigh escaped his lips, "Angel's mate for life and can only mate with who's been chosen for them. If I walk away from this I'll continue on without a mate for all eternity. My capacity to love will slowly diminish until all that's left in me is darkness and hate."

Buffy was floored, "And what happens if we mate?"

His eyes darted to hers before he stood, "It doesn't matter because it's not going to happen."

"Why though? What's so bad about it?"

He blew out a frustrated breath. "Buffy you're young don't you want more out of life than this? If we mate that's it. You can never be with anyone else forever. Your soul and my essence will be tied and when one of us inevitably dies the other will slowly descend into madness from the grief. We'd be tied together in every sense of the word."

"How…. how does it work?"

Hope burst forth in him but he kept it carefully contained. "It's a two part process. Both have to accept the mating fully and completely and then they have to complete it… physically. If that happens both are marked but I can't say how because it's different for everyone."

"Oh," she said quietly with a blush. "I feel like everything's happening so fast."

"It is. For you at least." Seeing her knitted eyebrows he sighed. "Buffy I've been waiting for a mate for two thousand years. You've only been alive sixteen."

"Almost seventeen."

He withheld an eye roll. "Fact still remains. Look, I'm not trying to pressure you at all. The only reason I even brought it up is because I didn't want you to be mad at me and if I'm moving to fast with anything just tell me." A sigh escaped him, "I don't want to rush you into anything but I've got a ticking clock, I won't be on earth forever. Just know that no matter what you decide I've really enjoyed my time with you."

The pair sat in an awkward silence until Angel shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Spike's calling me, come on."


	13. Chapter 13

The pair reentered the kitchen where Giles was still writing and Spike was still talking in an overconfident tone with exaggerated hand gestures as if he was recounting the most epic tale in history. Upon seeing Angel Spike cleared his throat uncomfortably and fought a blush before looking back at Giles, "We'll stop there for now."

"Spreading lies Spike?" Angel asked with an arched brow.

"No! I just like to make my stories a little more interesting is all. Nothing wrong with it." Seeing Angel's expression he rolled his eyes and walked over to him. "We need to discuss Abaddon," he said in a more serious tone.

Angel's entire demeanor changed in the blink of an eye. Gone was any trace of humor or awkwardness from his face and in its place was a stone-faced man with an air of confidence and power that was overwhelming in the small room. His back was perfectly straight and his black eyes were slightly narrowed as he crossed his arms. "There's been retaliation?"

Spike also morphed into his role and stood straighter and met his eyes, the mischievous glint in his blue eyes gone. "From what we understand they're planning a large scale attack very soon."

Angel was silent for a few seconds and Buffy glanced at Giles who was watching the pair closely. "Gather some of the guardian angels, use them as cannon fodder. Don't bother the Seraphim but request assistance from the Cherubim, if they won't help ask the Virtues but you'll need more of them since they're weaker. Set your perimeter closer than normal and focus mostly on the south border. They're stupid; they'll only focus on one or two sides. Be prepared for multiple waves, the strongest being in the middle."

Spike nodded before dropping to a knee and disappearing. Angel turned slightly and looked at Giles who was watching with a slack jaw. "Consider yourself lucky Giles, not many hear battle strategies for protecting heaven."

He nodded dumbly, "Did I hear you correctly? You're using people's guardian angels as… as cannon fodder?"

"It's a war Rupert, it should be treated as such," he said darkly.

Buffy's hand gently grabbed the edge of his uninjured wing and he turned with hard eyes before his expression softened and he smiled at her. "What happens if heaven loses?"

Angel's wing twitched in her grasp and he turned to face her better, "Heaven won't lose. Spike won't let it happen. I won't let it happen."

She nodded softly but looked doubtful still. He bent his knees and leaned back slightly to better see her face before grabbing her chin in his hand, "Don't worry slayer. Your concerns don't lie in the clouds but here on earth."

She smiled at him again before stepping back, "I should go home, mom's probably called a search party for me." With a faint blush she let go of Angel's wing and walked to the door before disappearing through it.

Angel watched her leave before standing back at full height. "Something to say Rupert?" he asked before turning to face the watcher.

Giles expression was hard and he met the angel's stare head on. He had watched the entire interaction between his slayer and the angel and was not pleased by what he saw. Watching Buffy seek comfort from him and him allowing her to grasp his wings was unsettling to say the least. Also the question still remained why she could touch them without harming him. "She's just a child Liam."

Angel's wings puffed slightly as he bristled, "I'm aware Rupert."

"I'm aware that you're still hiding something from us. There's a reason you're different than every single other angel."

Angel looked thoughtful for a moment, "You're very observant and intelligent, more so than I anticipated. As for Buffy; our relationship, whatever it may be is between us and it would be in everyone's best interest if you didn't interfere."

Giles opened his mouth but closed it when he was suddenly alone in the kitchen.

Buffy rolled over and blearily opened her eyes wondering what had woken her. She glanced around the dark room before looking towards the window where Angel was casually sitting on the ledge. "What are you doing here?" she asked sleepily as she glanced at the clock that read 2:14 am.

"Thinking. I didn't mean to wake you."

She stretched and scooted over to one side of her bed before flipping back the covers. Angel smiled at the gesture and removed his clothing except for his pants and slid into the bed before pulling Buffy to him. They laid in silence until Buffy whispered, "I thought about what we talked about earlier."

Angel nodded and pulled her on top of him to better see her, "You're young Buffy, just enjoy your youth. You don't need…."

"I want to."

He stopped speaking instantly and shook his head, "Buffy do you understand the implications of what you're saying? Do you understand that I have to go back to heaven or go to hell soon and might never see you again until you die? You could never be with anyone else, never marry, never have children. Even after you die you can't have kids, angels don't reproduce." He pushed a piece of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear, "I want more for you. I want you to experience life not put it on hold just for me." The words tasted bitter in his mouth, his brain and his heart warring with each other and mixing to form a lump of turmoil in his throat.

His heart wanted this so badly, a small piece of heaven to call his own. A person that would love him and stand by him no matter what, a person that wouldn't judge him or punish him for his actions. His mind though screamed at him to just leave now. Let Buffy grow and experience the joys of earth without a ball and chain in the form of a psychotic angel attached to her.

She nodded, "I understand what you're saying Angel but I don't want to experience anything if it's not with you. I can't say if it's because you're my…"

"Mate," he offered.

"Or if it just happened naturally but I love you. Let me love you Angel."

Her answer came in the form of a growl as he rolled them over so he was on top of her. His lips crashed down on hers in a searing kiss before he lifted off her shirt and began kissing down her neck and chest. When he felt hands on his pants he lifted his hips to give her room to unbutton and unzip them. Finally free from clothes except for underwear he grinded into her as she panted underneath him.

"Angel?"

"Yes?" he asked softly, never stopping while he worshipped her body.

"How does..." she gasped as his lips hit a sensitive spot. "How does the mating thingy work?"

He ignored her for a few minutes until kissing back up her body and across her collarbones. "Just relax. If you accept me completely it'll just happen."

"Ok," she whispered. The kiss continued, Angel waiting for Buffy to feel more comfortable before they progressed. When he felt a small hand wrap around him he groaned into her neck, his narrow hips jerking involuntarily. Knowing it was now or never he dropped his hands to her hips and slid off her underwear and smirked when she did the same for him.

"Ready?"

She nodded once, "I love you."

He kissed her softly, "I love you too."

She noticed his slightly preoccupied expression and when she realized why she smiled and grabbed the back of his head to meet his eyes. "Relax Angel."

He smiled boyishly and a second later he rolled his shoulders as his massive wings appeared. They were slightly spread and were quivering slightly even though he wasn't moving.

Buffy held his eyes which were completely black, no white at all as he slid into her and when she adopted a pained expression he kissed her again and murmured words of love in Enochian. The pain soon ebbed leaving only blinding pleasure in its wake. Her entire body tingled as she moved with him, two becoming one in the dead of night.

When she felt her body start to tense she opened her mouth but Angel silenced her with another searing kiss. A moment later she shuddered as she reached her peak and couldn't hold in the cry of pure pleasure that erupted from her lips. As she rode out her orgasm her hands grabbed his wings tightly and pulled, the motion causing Angel to moan loudly. When she came down from her high she noticed that Angel was moving much more slowly and had been watching her the entire time.

"Are you sure Buffy? You can still say no to this."

She softly caressed the side of his face and looked over his flushed features and reflective black eyes. "I'm sure."

His wings flared out more and he sped up his rhythm, dropping his face into the crook of her neck as they both moaned and panted. Buffy was starting to tense again when Angel suddenly picked up his head and met her eyes, his hips stuttering but never stopping. "How do you want me to mark you? With my fangs or angelically?" he panted.

"Both."

That was all it took for Angel to topple over the edge. His fangs grew and sunk into her neck as his hand dropped to her hip, his wings spread as wide as they could go, all the way to the ceiling and down the walls as he emptied himself inside her.

Buffy gasped when he pierced the skin on her neck and let out a small pained noise at the burning sensation on her hip before she screamed out her second orgasm. She watched his wings shudder as he too met his release and shivered when his tongue licked the base of her neck where he had bitten her.

For a long time the pair simply laid there still locked together. "Did it work?" she asked after a while.

He nodded, "Can you feel it? The bond will get stronger."

She focused for a second and could almost feel something inside her. It was like a piece had been added that she didn't know was missing but now that it was there she never wanted to be without it. It was like her soul felt more complete. "I can feel it."

He smiled and rolled off of her, letting the cool air from the open window cool their heated skin.

Buffy suddenly sat up with wide eyes, "Oh my God. My mom has to have heard us."

Angel chuckled and rubbed her back, "Relax slayer, she's sleeping peacefully and she won't wake until the morning."

She released a sigh of relief and fell backwards back onto the bed before promptly falling asleep in her mate's arms.


	14. Chapter 14

When Buffy woke she noticed how sore she was and smiled at the reason. She yawned and stretched before realizing that Angel was still in her bed. He was lying face down and his wings were visible and neatly tucked against his back, the tops touching the headboard and the tips hanging over the end of the bed. With careful movements she rolled out of the bed and made her way to the bathroom after checking that her mom was still asleep.

After clicking the bathroom door shut she turned on the light and stared at her reflection. Her hand went to her neck and she pulled back her hair to look at the small scar next to her collarbone. Thankfully it wasn't bruised and too obvious. Her gaze drifted downwards next to her hip where the skin was darkened like a bruise but it didn't hurt. She eyed the shape for a few seconds trying to decipher what it was but didn't recognize the design. With a content sigh she tiptoed back to her room and smiled at the sight of her sleeping angel. She knew he didn't need sleep so she took it as a compliment that he was so tired. Knowing it was a most likely a rarity to see him so relaxed and vulnerable she let her eyes rake over his nude form. He really was beautiful and it was a shame so much of him was hidden by his wings.

"Are you done checking me out?"

She jumped and looked at his face where he was watching her with an amused expression. He beckoned her over and she frowned when he rolled over and suddenly had black boxers on, his wings nowhere in sight. "That's not fair."

He pulled her down for a kiss, "No it's not, but necessary. We need to talk."

She sat down hesitantly next to him on the bed and fiddled with her fingernails, "What do you want to talk about?"

He grabbed her hands to still her, "Nothing bad. I was just wondering how you're feeling."

Buffy smiled shyly, "Sore but good."

He smiled at her bashfulness, "Good, now how are you feeling about everything else?"

She smiled and placed a hand on his cheek, "I don't regret it Angel, I love you. Forever."

He leaned into her touch before turning and kissing her palm, "What's the mark look like?" He inspected her neck carefully before leaning over to kiss it and waited for her to show him his other mark. She stood in front of him and lifted her shirt to show him. His hand reached out and pulled down the side of her panties to look at it.

He let out a small laugh, "Alpha in Enochian. Makes sense I guess." His fingers traced the design absently, "It'll darken as we grow closer. Eventually it should be black, or at least I'm assuming it will be. For others angels the marks lighten until they're completely white but I think mine will darken. It's already pretty dark."

She climbed on his lap, "What's your mark look like?"

"Angel's don't get marks like humans or demons do." He gently moved her off of him and onto the bed before he stood and rolled his shoulders as his wings appeared. He allowed his right to expand as much as it could in the small room showing a small streak of silver on the underside near the tip

Buffy stood and walked over to touch the spot, her fingers gliding along the lighter colored feathers. "Do other angels' look like this?"

"It's always on the wings but some show up as different colors, some as designs. It has to do with auras or something, I wasn't really paying attention."

She hummed in approval and looked at him, "And how do you feel about everything?"

The question caught him by surprise and he opened his mouth to respond but stopped to really think about the answer. "I feel pretty good. I feel… relaxed, for once. More serene I guess. It's kind of foreign so it must be coming from you."

Buffy laughed, "It's terrible that relaxed and serene are foreign feelings for you."

"I know," he chuckled. "It's nice. I just feel lighter in general." A frown covered his face, "You're not getting any emotion from me right?"

She shook her head.

"Good. That'd be bad. I really don't want you to feel what I feel on an everyday basis. Kind of nice feeling good from you though."

She smiled brightly, obviously pleased with everything and hugged him before pulling back, "I have to get ready for school are you going to be there later?"

"Of course." He dropped his head to kiss her deeply before disappearing.

The next day in the library Giles sat in his office deep in thought about the previous night and his conversation with Angel. He wasn't blind or stupid and knew his slayer and the angel were definitely attracted to each other. A part of him hated the idea that Buffy was attracted to Angel, after all more questions about him than answers remained. The other part of him though acknowledged that Buffy was a sixteen old girl and that he should allow her to experience some things on her own and not under his watchful gaze. After all he wasn't her parent even though he thought of her as his own. He sighed and took a sip of his tea while he wondered where in the world Buffy was.

Buffy groaned as Angel pressed himself against her and continued kissing down her neck. She had been walking to the library for training after school when she suddenly felt a strong pulling sensation in the hallway and a moment later Angel was grinning down at her from behind the stacks. She had jumped into his arms and wrapped her legs around his thin waist before they had attacked each other.

"Angel, I have to train."

He grunted in acknowledgement but didn't move away from her. They continued for several more minutes until she repeated herself with a harder tone. With much reluctance he set her down and stepped back panting slightly even though he didn't truly need air.

She smiled at his completely black eyes and disheveled hair as she fixed her shirt and smoothed down her own mussed hair. Once they were both more presentable Buffy bit her lip and looked at her angel. "Should we tell Giles about everything?"

Angel instantly shook his head, "I don't think he'd take it very well."

"You're probably right," she said with a frown. "Maybe Xander and Willow?"

He shook his head again; "I think it would be best to keep this between us for right now."

She nodded and looked at Angel to ask for him to get her out of the library so she could walk in like nothing happened but she kept quite at his focused expression. He was obviously speaking to another angel.

"I have to go," he said suddenly. "I'll be back tonight sometime. I love you."

Buffy opened her mouth to respond but he was already gone. She pushed away her hurt feelings knowing his sudden departure must have been necessary and snuck to the front of the library to train with Giles.

It was just after four am when Buffy woke suddenly. She sat up and rubbed her eyes and looked around but didn't see anything. With a yawn she climbed out of bed and walked to her window where she saw Angel lying on the roof and staring at the stars. She climbed out the window once she opened it and made her way towards Angel. "Everything ok?"

He nodded absently.

She sat down next to him and frowned when she saw his clothes and skin were splattered with blood.

Hearing the question before she could vocalize it he jumped in. "It's not mine and I'd really prefer if you didn't ask who's it was."

It bothered her how detached his voice seemed and how he hadn't cleaned himself up yet. "I won't but can I ask where you went?"

A shiver made its way through her body so he removed his leather jacket and laid it over her shoulders, "I needed to speak with Azrael shortly then Puriel needed help with something in Brazil. He was able to find what he had been looking for and needed assistance in getting some questions answered."

Buffy paled slightly, "You mean you tortured someone?"

"Something, not someone. Demons aren't people Buffy."

Knowing she couldn't say anything about it she shut her mouth and scooted closer to him, a content smile spreading across her lips when his hand snaked up the back of her night shirt to rub her back. She focused her thoughts and energy and tried to feel calm hoping it would transfer to her angel.

Angel felt a surge of serenity and closed his eyes to take it in and let it consume him. "Thank you."

She smiled and kissed him before sitting back up. "We should go on a date. You need to take me on a date."

He chuckled, "Is that so?"

"Yes. A movie is a traditional date choice," she said with a nod.

He laughed again. "You make me feel young. Like I don't literally have the fate of the universe riding on my shoulders."

She lowered herself next to him and kissed along his ear and jaw, "Good. Girlfriends are supposed to make you happy."

He moaned when she nipped at his ear lobe, "You definitely make me happy slayer."

She knew she would be tired tomorrow but she really didn't care at this moment, "Show me your wings. I want to see your mark."

A grin covered his face as he sat up and pulled her onto his lap. "Hold on tight."

A moment later Buffy turned her head and laughed happily. "Where are we?" They were seated in the sand on a beach, the sun just about to peek over the ocean to start a new day. The water was lapping idly at their feet and Angel buried his toes underneath the damp sand.

"Rio," he answered as he let out his wings, the large feathered objects lazily sitting on the white sand and the silver streak on his right clearly visible. A shiver rippled through his wings when Buffy gently touched the spot.

"Does that tickle?" she asked with a smile.

He ruffled his feathers slightly, "A little." Buffy instantly started touching the spot again and couldn't help but laugh when Angel's wings started flapping wildly. A giggle unwillingly escaped his lips and it warmed her heart that she could make him so relaxed and happy. "Buffy. Buffy stop," he gasped between laughs.

She continued her assault but suddenly found herself sputtering in the water about fifteen feet from where she was. Her feet found the sand and she stood and glared at Angel who looked sheepish. "Sorry. I just wanted you to stop, I wasn't paying attention to where I put you."

She glared harder and looked down when she noticed Angel's attention was not on her face but on her chest. Which was soaked. In a white sleep shirt. A blush quickly covered her entire face and neck as she ducked down below the water.

"Don't be shy slayer," Angel shouted good-naturedly. "Not anything I haven't seen before and if anyone else looks I think they'll notice my wings first."

"Angel…" she whined.

Still smiling he rose and walked to the edge of the water and held out his arms, "Come here." She walked towards him with her arms wrapped around her chest and stood a few feet away with him. As soon as his hands grabbed hers she felt the familiar pulling sensation before she was standing in her room completely dry next to Angel who had a distracted look on his face.

"What?" she asked.

"I'll be right back," he said before disappearing onto the front lawn where he let out his wings and ruffled and shook them a few times. "That's better," he said when he reappeared in front of her. "Sand," he explained at her confused look. "Got stuck between my feathers."

Buffy yawned and looked at her bed, "Think I could get away with a little more sleep?"

Angel nodded and walked her to her bed before helping her into it and tucking her in. He kissed her forehead and stepped back to fly away but paused at Buffy's sleepy voice. "Stay."

He glanced at her clock before nodding slightly and sitting on the edge of the bed while she slept.


	15. Chapter 15

Many hours later Buffy walked into the library where Giles was talking to Xander and Willow. "Hey guys."

Giles turned and beckoned her over, "I'm glad you're here. I've been reading some texts that indicate a powerful master vampire should be coming to Sunnydale in the near future. We need to try to find out who."

Buffy nodded and plopped down next to Xander, yawns escaping her every so often. As the hours ticked by everyone began yawning too until Angel walked out of the stacks nonchalantly and sat down on the stairs. "You're a lively bunch aren't ya?"

Xander jumped before glaring, "You do that just to scare us don't you?"

Angel shook his head but he looked far too innocent for someone that actually was. "No! I specifically flew to the stacks to not scare everybody."

Giles rubbed his forehead, it seemed every time the angel would show up a headache would come on. "How thoughtful of you."

Angel shrugged and glanced at the table, "What are you looking for?"

"A big time vamp that's supposed to show up soon," Buffy answered.

Angel nodded, "The Master."

Everyone's heads snapped up to look at him and he held up his hands, "You could have just asked."

"How do you know that Angel?" Giles asked through narrowed eyes.

"I'm not clairvoyant and I'm definitely not omniscient if that's what you're asking. There are just some things that you can find out if you know where to look and who to talk to."

Giles was already flipping through his books for The Master while Xander spoke up again, "Why did you ask and find out about that? Do you care that much about the hellmouth?"

Angel shook his head with a subtle glance at Buffy, "I have other interests than Boca del Infierno."

"Yes you do," said a deep voice from the other side of the room.

Everyone stopped speaking and looked at the man who had just walked through the library's double doors. He was around six feet tall and dressed in an all white three piece suit. He had a thick head of black hair streaked with grey at the temples and looked to be in his late fifties. An air of confidence surrounded him and something that Buffy couldn't quite put her finger on.

"Can I help you sir?" Giles asked politely as the others just stared at the new arrival.

Angel however approached the man stiffly and stood a few feet away with his arms crossed, "What are you doing here?"

The man smiled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "I think you know why I'm here Liam. It's time," he said patiently.

Angel shook his head, "I haven't decided yet."

The man took a step forward and peered into Liam's face closely before stepping back. "I see." The man then tried to step around him but paused when Angel blocked his way. A frown flickered across his face but it was quickly replaced by an easy smile again as he looked over everyone in the library.

His eyes landed on Buffy and he smiled warmly, "Hello Miss Summers, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. I've heard much about you."

She smiled uncomfortably wondering who exactly was in front of her. "Thanks, I'd say the same but I'm not sure who you are."

The man stepped back and looked at Angel with a slightly amused expression. "Still no manners I see. Would you like to introduce me or would you like me to?"

Angel met his eyes with a hard expression, "Everyone. This is Lucifer."

Everyone's eyes widened as they all took a step back. The man in front of Angel was Satan, the most evil thing in the entire universe. The fallen angel. It was difficult to comprehend that the same person that the bible spoke about was standing in a library looking so… normal.

Lucifer placed a hand on Angel's shoulder and looked compassionately at the angel. "I'm sorry it hurt you when I tried to speak with you, I hadn't thought about how you would receive it in your weakened form."

Angel shrugged away from the hand and took a step back as his wings suddenly became visible and his eyes began to turn red, "Don't act like you care. You're a monster." He was surprised he remembered to keep the bases of his wings incorporeal to save his shirt.

Lucifer smiled as if amused with his words, "If anyone's a monster it's you Liam. I bet you haven't even told them what you really are have you? Lying is a sin Liam, and to your mate no less?" He shook his head as he eyed the black markings on Angel's skin. "Haven't you learned from your mistakes at all? After all you're running out of skin to put them on."

At the word 'mate' Giles turned his head sharply to Buffy who was blushing but shook her head indicating they would discuss it later. She was too focused on the emotion flooding through her from Angel, a feeling that she knew he didn't feel often. Fear.

Angel looked lost and hurt for a moment before recovering an angry expression, "I've given my pound of flesh and I have never lied to her."

Lucifer smiled, "Omission is still lying Liam. Now let's fix this shall we?" He turned and looked at everyone who was watching the interaction closely. "Everyone, Buffy… meet my son, Liam."

It was like all the air had been sucked out of the room. No one moved or spoke for what felt like days until Giles finally broke through the suffocating silence.

"You…you're… the antichrist," he said shakily as he collapsed pale faced into a chair, Xander and Willow slowly moving backwards until their backs were against the stairs.

Angel looked at Buffy with wounded eyes and felt his heart break in two at the shock and distrust on her face. "Buffy it's not…"

Buffy shook her head and took a step back when Angel took one towards her, "You lied, about everything. You are evil, you're the son of Satan. I was so stupid and you tricked me into…" She covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a sob, "Oh my God."

He shook his head, his face filled with desperation as he fought to explain only to be interrupted by Lucifer. "Don't bother son. You don't owe any of them anything. Come home with me, come where you belong. I love you son, let me give you what you deserve. You won't be punished you'll be rewarded. You belong at my right side, come claim your rightful place."

Angel's wings flared widely as his eyes turned completely red and his fangs descended as he growled. Lucifer just smiled softly, "I can see you're upset and it's understandable. I'll come back later to talk. Goodbye son."

He disappeared with a small noise similar to leather on leather leaving Angel standing in the middle of the library chest heaving with anger. He knew he needed to get it together to try to explain so he retracted his wings but kept them visible and turned around slowly to face everyone, letting his eyes and teeth revert back to normal.

Giles was shaking and everyone else seemed to be frozen except Buffy who had silent tears running down her face. "You betrayed us." Betrayed me.

He reached out a hand but pulled it back when she flinched. "Please let me explain."

Giles interrupted with a hard tone, "Is Lucifer your father? Do you share blood with the devil?"

He looked at Giles before nodding once. "But there's more to it than that…"

"Are you marked as such?"

Tears filled his eyes as he nodded again, "Cross of St. Peter, left side of my scalp." He looked at Buffy again, "But it's not…"

Buffy shook her head, "Get out. Go away. If I ever see you again I will find a way to kill you."

Tears spilled over and ran down his cheeks as he nodded. "I love you," he whispered before spreading his large wings and disappearing.


	16. Chapter 16

Now that they were alone Buffy turned to Giles, "What's the possibility that he leaves and this just goes away?"

"Slim to none I'm afraid. We need to prepare for the worst."

Buffy nodded and cleared her throat trying to ignore the heartache that was eating her alive. She felt the new piece inside her suffering, her mate was suffering and it was her fault. He was drowning in overwhelming grief and sorrow and it was all because of her. The fact still remained though, he was the son of Lucifer and that fact alone was enough to need to kill him. "Then I need to know how to kill him."

Giles pulled off his glasses and rubbed them with his handkerchief, "There's never been evidence that the antichrist even exists, let alone anything on how to kill it."

It. Is that what Angel was? An it? Not a person but a thing, a thing that had to be exterminated like a bug? The thought made her nauseas. He had never acted like he was truly evil and even when she had told him to leave he had still acted scared and remorseful. Why keep up the charade? Unless it wasn't one and he really wasn't the horrible thing that everyone had acted like he was. A soft groan escaped her, she was so confused.

"I'm going home. We'll meet tomorrow," she said sadly to everyone else in the library.

"You're not going anywhere," an angry voice ground out from by the swinging doors. Spike had appeared in the library with a pissed expression. "What is wrong with you?" he spat at Buffy.

She frowned, "How do you even know what just happened?"

He approached her and glared down at her. "I sensed a disturbance in the force," he mocked. "I know when he's upset and imagine my shock when he tells me what just went down. Now I'll ask again, what is wrong with you?"

"He's the devils child Spike, did you know that?" she said in a dead voice.

He groaned and clenched his hands in frustration, "Of course I bloody knew that! There's more to it than that and you didn't even give him a chance to explain! You're his bloody mate you git, he'd never lie to you!"

Giles stood furiously, "Do not come in here defending that… that… thing."

Spike pointed a furious finger at the watcher, "You watch your tongue! He's not a thing or an it, he's an angel and a very important one at that. No he's not human but that doesn't mean him or I are beneath you. What makes you all so special huh?"

Giles opened his mouth to fire off a retort but found he couldn't speak.

"You lot are going to sit here and let me tell you what's really going on. You can't speak or move so relax and let me finish this," Spike said in a deadly voice. He met their eyes challengingly before launching into the tale of Angel.

"Yes Liam is the son of Lucifer, the antichrist. Lucifer had many children but Angelus was the strongest. Anyways blah, blah, blah he's supposed to defeat heaven and earth before ruling the underworld at Lucifer's right hand, but it didn't happen like that. Just like Mary's conception Lucifer had to give Angelus to a woman to be born. He was born and Lucifer let him grow up before he was supposed to claim him, only thing was he died before he could get him. Knowing what was happening Dad collected him before Luci could. He trained him and loved him and tried to lead him on a different path, which worked for a while but no matter what the fires of hell burn in Angelus. Dad made him an angel hoping that his grace would overpower the hell in him but it didn't. His wings came in black as did his eyes and because he's part demon his anger manifests physically. The first time his fangs showed and his eyes turned red everyone was petrified but Dad was always there to babysit."

He took a breath and began to pace while he continued the story. "Dad tried to watch him, tried to keep him in line but that's like trying to catch lightening in a bottle. He's the false messiah, he's more powerful than anything you could ever imagine, or at least he will be one day. He's still young now. One day if he wanted to he could end the world with a flick of his wrist."

He trailed off before looking at Buffy, "He never lied to you once. You really are his mate and he loves you more than you realize. He never asked to be Lucifer's son and you can't change who you are. I can tell you this though; I've never seen him so happy, relaxed and stable than when he's around you. You think he's out of control now? You have no idea what he's capable of and what he's done."

With a snap of his fingers everyone could once again move and speak. While Buffy gathered her thoughts Giles narrowed his eyes, "If he's so powerful why is he still living? Why hasn't someone stopped him? Why hasn't God stopped him?"

Spike looked sad, "Because it's not his fault. He doesn't mean for things to happen, they just do. Ever heard of Mt. Pelee?"

"Of course. May 8, 1902 Mt. Pelee sent an immense cloud of ash, rock and superheated gas hurtling toward St. Pierre at a speed of about 100 m.p.h. The blast, powerful enough to capsize ships anchored offshore, leveled the city in just a few minutes, killing some 30,000 people."

Spike just nodded until Giles sputtered, "That was him?"

"He didn't mean to. He got upset, it had been a brutal day on the battlefield and when he went off so did Mt. Pelee. You need to understand something. You see a warrior that's over two thousand years old when in reality he's just a child. He has absolutely no control over his emotions or what happens when they get too intense and to punish him would be the equivalent of punching a toddler because they're not potty trained."

"Why do you care so much about him? You speak about him with obvious adoration."

Spike shrugged, "He's the only friend I've ever had. Unlike the other pricks he knows what it's like to struggle sometimes. We take care of each other because no one else will. The other angels are all about brotherly love but not with us. Angelus and I are babies in the grand scheme and all the other angels weren't very happy when Dad put us in charge instead of them."

Giles' eyes narrowed further, "You make him out to be a victim."

"In a sense he is," Spike answered, "but make no mistake he feeds off what's in him by choice. He's more brutal, crafty, and to be honest psychotic than anyone I've ever seen in heaven or on earth. He knows what's in him and he won't hesitate to use it if the situation arises. There's been more than one occasion even I've questioned his sanity."

Everyone let that sink in until Xander spoke again, "So is he evil or not? We keep getting different stories."

Spike looked thoughtful for a moment before answering in a slow careful tone, "Is Angelus evil? Yes, it's ingrained in his very essence. But just because you are something doesn't mean it's what you are."

Xander looked confused but Buffy just smiled and stepped forward, "Where is he?"

Spike shook his head, "Nowhere you can go love, I think he's somewhere in Egypt right now but he'll be back. You're his mate; he won't leave you even if you hate him. He'll crawl back even if you stick a knife through him."

He looked like he wanted to say something else. "Lucifer's gunning for him and without you I see no reason why he wouldn't go with him. He needs you now more than ever, you made the choice now you have to stand by it." His face darkened as his eyes narrowed, "For future reference I don't like seeing him upset. It doesn't usually bode well for everyone involved."

Buffy opened her mouth but he was already gone. With heavy feet she walked over to a chair and collapsed into it, her head in her hands. This had been a nightmare and now Spike had just informed them how royally they had all screwed up. She was supposed to love Angel and trust him and she hadn't even given him the benefit of the doubt. Instead of being a good mate that stood by her partner she had judged him and shunned him.

"What was he talking about Buffy? What did he mean you were Angel's mate?" Giles asked after a while.

Buffy opened and closed her mouth a few times before deciding to just get it out in the open. "I'm Angel's mate. I guess every angel has a mate and Angel's mine." Seeing that her watcher was getting angry she cut him off before he could speak. "It's done and not only can I not undo it I don't want to. I love him Giles and he loves me."

Xander was furious, "You're mated to the antichrist? Like some sort of animal?"

Buffy's eyes flashed angrily, "I am not an animal and neither is he. We were literally made for each other. He didn't pressure me or force me into it, I chose it." As an after thought she added, "Don't call him the antichrist."

Giles who had been rubbing his forehead from the headache he had coming on sat up straighter, "While I don't fully agree with Xander's statement Angel is a different species and he does carry traits of certain animals. At times I think he's actually more animalistic than human. Did he mark you in any way?"

Buffy crossed her arms, "Yes he did and it's no one's business where or how."

Willow stepped forward timidly and grabbed Buffy into a hug. Unlike the two men in the room she could easily see how much her best friend loved the angel and was happy that someone who could take care of Buffy was with her. "I'm happy for you Buffy."

"Thanks Will."

Willow pulled back and glared at Xander and Giles who both looked down. Xander finally looked back up, "I'm not happy about this, at all. But it's done and there's nothing I can do about it so I guess if you're happy so am I Buff. If he breaks your heart though I'll find some way to do some harm to him, like a mean paper cut or splinter or something."

Buffy hugged him tightly before all three turned their attention to Giles who threw his hands in the air. "Oh bloody hell. I can't say how I feel about this yet. I'd like to know more when we have time to discuss it but no matter what I respect your decisions. You are by no means stupid or easily manipulated though I do believe you think more with your heart than what is wise."

She nodded, "Thanks Giles. I have to go look for Angel."

Buffy searched for hours upon hours but could not find him anywhere. She prayed and pleaded and screamed for him but he never came. Feeling defeated she returned to her house broken and alone.


	17. Chapter 17

Days later Buffy entered her bedroom after another long and difficult day. Everyday she waited for him to reappear like Spike said he would and everyday he didn't she would cry herself to sleep. Tonight though instead of crying she withheld a scream at the sudden appearance of a haggard looking Angel. He stood in the corner of the room bathed in shadow and wouldn't meet her eyes. "I know you don't want me here but I just wanted to see you one last time. I'm so sorry for everything."

Tears pricked at her eyes and she longed to go to him but was scared that he would try to leave again. "I called and prayed for you but you never came."

He shifted and disappeared more into the darkness, "I didn't want to hear what you had to say. I couldn't take it."

"Spike came and talked to us, explained a few things," she said in a quiet tone.

He nodded softly, "I'm sorry I never told you. It's not exactly something I ever talk about, only Father and my dad and Spike know, and now all of you. I never wanted you to find out what I am."

"It's not your fault," she whispered as she cautiously stepped forward, still afraid he would disappear again. "Can we talk about everything? I'm not mad but we really need to talk about things."

He nodded and hesitantly sat down on the edge of her bed and waited for her to do the same. She felt horrible that he was looking so scared and unsure, the dark circles under his red rimmed eyes only adding to her guilt. She walked over and positioned herself on his lap to his surprise and hugged him tightly, feelings of relief blossoming in her instantly.

He wrapped his arms tightly around her small body and kissed the top of her head. "What do you want to know?"

She turned to face him and felt her heart break at the pure pain in his eyes. "I want to know why you love me."

A look of confusion appeared on his handsome face, he had clearly expected a different question. "What?"

"It's a simple question Angel."

His eyes narrowed before he sighed softly. "I love you because you're my mate." He noticed her expression start to fall so he pushed on. "I love you because you're my equal. You're strong and kind, intelligent and beautiful. You're the light to my darkness and have given me more hope and love in the last few weeks than I've ever had on earth and in heaven."

She hastily wiped away a tear that had escaped her eye before kissing him softly, "Now prove to me how much you love me."

"Why?" he whispered.

She tilted her head and pulled away, "Why what?"

"Why forgive me? Why do you love me? I'm a thing Buffy. As much as Spike says I'm not I am. I'm not an angel."

Buffy grabbed his face with her tiny hands and pressed their foreheads together. "You're right, you're not an angel. You're more than that. I forgive you because you never did anything wrong and I love you because you're you. You put things in perspective for me and make me happy. You're not a thing Liam and don't let anyone ever tell you that you are."

His response came in the form of a sigh and even though he never said any words Buffy got the silent, 'Thank you.'

She climbed off his lap and grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted, smiling when he let her remove his shirt. "Wings."

His shoulders twitched slightly as the huge feathered objects appeared but he still never spoke or moved. Black eyes followed her movements as she lifted off her own shirt and stood before him shyly. A smile finally broke across his face and he carefully tugged her closer by her hips and captured her lips with his.

A moan sounded from the back of Buffy's throat when his tongue slid into her mouth and she lifted her feet when she felt her pants pool around her ankles. His lips moved away from hers and began kissing down her body while he slid off her underwear and a few minutes later only the sound of heavy panting and flapping wings could be heard.

A while later Angel gently ran his fingers up and down Buffy's back as she played with the waistband of his boxers. "Something bad is going to happen tomorrow isn't it?" she asked softly.

He paused for a moment before continuing to rub her back. "Yes."

She burrowed deeper into his side, "Tomorrow's the day you choose." It wasn't spoken as a question but as a statement. He still confirmed it though.

"Yes it is."

She bit her lip. "Whatever you choose I'll still love you."

"I know," he whispered with a small smile. "Buffy if I choose hell you won't be able to go to heaven." Seeing her nervous expression he continued, "You'd be in an upper layer with me. No torture or fire and brimstone or anything. I'd be like heaven for you but not quite as…. shiny."

She nodded and was quiet for a few minutes. "If you're there I'll be ok."

"I'll always do everything in my power to make you happy Buffy. Forever."

The minutes ticked by until the slayer spoke again. "Will you have to leave tomorrow?" she asked in a small voice.

He rolled on his side so they were facing each other, their noses centimeters apart. When he parted his lips to answer Buffy's finger appeared on them to quiet him. Silent tears gathered and fell from her eyes when she softly whispered, "Lie to me. Please."

Angel swallowed thickly and tried to offer a smile but couldn't muster it. "I'll stay with you forever," he said quietly, his voice cracking mid sentence.

She choked out a watery laugh, "You're not a very good liar."

He threaded his fingers through hers and kissed her tears away. Knowing they needed to get away from this kind of talk to salvage their last night together he said the first thing that popped into his head. "It was unexpected and difficult to see my dad, I find I was unprepared to actually see and speak with him. I've never spoken to him in person before."

Buffy could sympathize, after all her dad was never around either which made seeing him difficult when he actually stopped by. "How did you find out he was your dad?"

"It was obvious from a young age. Every time I set foot in church it felt like my head was going to explode, I could move things with my mind and easily manipulate others to do what I pleased. I had no moral compass. I behaved exactly like you picture the antichrist would."

She wrapped her arm around him and squeezed to show she wanted him to continue and wasn't scared by his words. "I didn't really have a purpose until Father collected me and tried to steer me away from Hell. It backfired in a way though because he made me more powerful than I was. Instead of just being part demon I was now part demon and part angel, all of the strengths and none of the weaknesses. The worst thing is if Father hadn't changed me into an angel I would still be this purely evil demonic thing."

"Did you have a soul when you were human?"

"Not much of one but yeah. I was born mostly human so I had a human soul but it was like it wasn't switched on. No remorse, no guilt, no nothing. See when Father makes an angel he builds off your human soul but with me there wasn't a lot to build on, so instead he had to build off my demonic essence. Hence the black wings and eyes. Thankfully though I at least gained a conscious, or at least part of one."

"Giles said something today and I want to ask you about it but I don't want to offend you."

He met her eyes and was silent for a few seconds before asking, "The animal thing?" Seeing her nod and feeling her relief that he had read her mind and not made her say it he answered. "He was right. Angels are highly intelligent but demons are more feral in nature, because of what I am I got both. The red eyes, the fangs, growls, and temper come from my dad. I don't like being called an animal but it's actually slightly true."

Buffy frowned suddenly, "Wait. I thought Lucifer was an angel. Why would you be half demon?"

"Being in hell so long made Lucifer loose his angelic qualities. His wings that were once soft and pristine turned to rough leather and bone, his teeth turned into fangs and his feet started to turn into hooves when his tail came in. The only thing he retained from heaven was the ability to speak to other angels but everything else he can do comes from hell."

"So how exactly did you… come to be?"

He shook his head, "No idea but I know Lucifer placed me inside my mother's womb. What's sad is that she was a normal, church going woman. She didn't worship the devil or do anything to deserve me as a child." He laughed bitterly. "She always called me her little angel even though she knew I was the spawn of Satan. She loved me so much."

Buffy lifted her head to kiss his chest, "You were her child, she was supposed to love you no matter what. What were your dad and sister like? Did they know?"

Angel was extremely quiet for a very long time obviously debating whether he wanted to answer the questions. "Kathy didn't ever like me, at all. Mom and her husband never said anything about me but she knew I was different, that I didn't belong there. Where Kathy would just avoid me at all costs mom's husband hated me with a passion. He always tried to force me to read the bible even though I'd get nosebleeds, he made me wear rosaries even though they burned me." He stopped speaking for a moment.

"He tried to kill me one night," he said calmly.

Buffy sat up and looked at him in shock, "What?"

Angel turned his head to look at her and placed his hands behind his head, "He tried to smother me but my mother stopped him. In some ways it's a good thing he didn't succeed and in other ways it's a bad thing."

Buffy shook her head, "Never say that. You've done so much more good than bad Angel. Look at you, you protect heaven from evil things. Who else is as pivotal as you are?"

"Exactly. When I choose it won't affect just me, it'll affect every plane of existence. With a single word I can change the entire future."

She watched him as he spoke before her eyes widened, "You've already chosen haven't you?"

"I've weighed my options carefully. I want to be where I'm appreciated, where I can make decisions without second guessing myself. Where I can accomplish the most. I want to be where I belong."

"And where is that?"

He rolled her small body on top of his and pulled her down to meet his lips, "No more talking. Tonight it's just you and I."


	18. Chapter 18

_I heard there was a secret chord_

_That David played, and it pleased the Lord_

_You don't really care for music, do ya?_

The next morning Buffy woke to a cold spot next to her in the bed and with a sharp intake of breath she sat up and looked around the room. "No, no, no, no," she whispered as she threw off the covers and looked at her clock. With a pounding heart she dressed and threw her hair into a ponytail before noticing a single object on her dresser. She walked towards it on weak knees and stared at the single black feather lying there innocently. Her trembling fingers reached out and picked it up, the huge black object shining brightly in the sunlight. With new found determination she gently set down the feather and ran towards Giles' house, her heart in her throat.

"Angel if you can here me please don't do anything yet. I didn't get to say goodbye," she choked. Her feet slowed slightly as she understood. He didn't want to say it because that would make it harder on both of them. "You don't get to do that!" she screamed to the sky. "You don't get to just leave me!" Not getting a response she wiped away the tears that flowed down her cheeks and continued to her watcher's house.

She arrived at Giles' house and knocked frantically until he opened the door. "Have you seen Angel today?" she asked hurriedly.

He shook his head with a confused frown, "What's happened?"

"He's choosing Giles. He's gone."

Her watcher's eyes widened, "What did he choose? This could affect everything."

"I know it can and I have no idea. Where could he be?" she asked as Giles wrapped his arms around her to try to comfort his now sobbing slayer.

_Well it goes like this_

_The fourth, the fifth_

_The minor fall, the major lift_

_The baffled king composing Hallelujah_

Angel sighed heavily as he stared at the sky from the middle of a park on the outskirts of Sunnydale. He wasn't ready to leave yet but it was time. His wings had returned, he had chosen and hopefully it was the right choice. Another sigh escaped him and he wondered how long he would have to stand out here with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Why was it that you always saw people when you didn't want to but could never find anyone when you wanted to? The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he turned slightly to politely acknowledge the person now standing next to him.

"Hey dad."

Lucifer smiled warmly and mimicked his son's relaxed stance. "Hello Liam." The pair stood next to each other in silence as they looked at the trees and clouds, both enjoying the serene day. "It's a beautiful day isn't it?"

Angel closed his eyes and allowed the sun to warm his skin as he nodded slowly, "Yes it is."

They stood still for a few more minutes until Angel spoke again, "You shouldn't wear so much white. Its kind of cliché."

Lucifer let out a low laugh; "I'll keep that in mind." He turned to face Angel and waited for his child to do the same. "I take it you're ready? You've chosen where you would like to be for eternity?"

Angel nodded, "Yes I have."

The pair shared a meaningful glance and Lucifer nodded to show he understood. "And you're sure about this? I don't want you to regret anything."

"I won't. I'm sure."

Lucifer smiled, "Well then, should we get started?"

A sigh escaped Angel as his sword appeared in his hand, "I guess we should."

His father eyed the blade and shrugged out of his jacket before lying in neatly on the ground. He rolled his shoulders a few times and cracked his neck before a sword also appeared in his grip, "I'm sorry it had to be like this."

Angel shrugged, "Seems fitting."

"Yes it does," Lucifer agreed before lunging forward to kill the child that had chosen the glory of heaven over the pits of hell.

_Well your faith was strong but you needed proof_

_You saw her bathing on the roof_

_Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya_

Xander and Willow burst through Giles door looking around frantically for the danger. "Where's the fire G man?"

Willow glanced at Buffy and ran over to her friend who was crying in a chair with her head down, "He's gone Willow. I don't know what's happening but he's gone."

Xander looked at Giles in disbelief, "That's it? Mr. Schizo left and she's sad?"

Giles shook his head, "I called you both because we need to stay together in case something big happens. Buffy informed me that Angel has made his choice but we don't know what it is." He lowered his voice, "I'm also concerned about Buffy. She's taking this very badly."

Xander nodded and walked over to Buffy and dropped to his knees in front of the couch. "Everything's ok Buff."

She shook her head and glared at him, "No it's not it's…." She trailed off for a moment and adopted a spaced expression. Just as everyone was growing concerned she snapped back to reality and jumped up, "I know where he is." She ran out the door quickly not waiting to see if anyone followed her.

_Well she tied you_

_To a kitchen chair_

_She broke your throne, and cut your hair_

_And from your lips she drew Hallelujah_

Angel was on the defense, which was not where he wanted to be. Unlike Abaddon Lucifer fought carefully, every move meticulously thought out and executed. Their swords clashed again reigning sparks over each other and the green grass below their feet. He was panting, sweat dripping off his furrowed brow as he tried to gain the upper hand.

"If I had known you were this weak and sloppy I would have come up their myself and killed you long ago," Lucifer taunted as he parried one of his son's blows. "You should have realized I wouldn't let you walk away from me."

Angel's eyes began to glow and he growled when blood began gushing from his side as one of Lucifer's attacks hit it's mark. Playtime was over, he had to step it up or this could end fatally for him. His wings burst from his back shredding his shirt and his eyes turned completely red as he bared his fangs.

"There's my boy. Give into it. All that hate, all that rage? It comes from me. It's not too late you can still come where you belong."

Angel growled again and finally landed a blow to his dad's arm where a thick black substance began to ooze out. With a smirk he attacked again.

_Baby I've been here before,_

_I've seen this room and I've walked the floor,_

_I used to live alone before I knew ya_

Time crawled by as both fought with everything they had, blood and tar dripping and oozing off them both.

"Give up son, you won't win this," Lucifer sneered.

And he was right. Angel knew he couldn't win it just wasn't possible. Lucifer was too strong, too fast, to old and powerful. One of them was not going to walk away from this and that was ok. The only thing that he didn't like was that with him gone everything was going to get worse, so much worse.

No. He would not allow that to happen, not to Father, not to Spike, and most definitely not to Buffy. For a fleeting moment he wondered if just saying yes to his dad would save his slayer, not make her go mad from grief from the inevitable end to this fight, but that wasn't an option. At least if Buffy was insane she would still go to heaven and be whole again when she died, not damned for all eternity. Decision made he dropped his sword to the grass and watched as it disappeared from view before dropping to his knees and praying. He prayed for strength, for guidance and as overall warmth spread through him he knew his prayers had been answered.

"What are you doing?"

He looked up at his dad who was watching him curiously and stood as he felt all his wounds healing. With a scream he ran forward and buried his fists inside Lucifer and grabbed onto his essence tightly. Lucifer's eyes widened when he realized what was happening and even though he tried valiantly he could not get away from the angel's grasp.

Angel held his fists inside Lucifer as he struggled to get away, the power of heaven latching onto his demonic essence. The pain was overwhelming, unlike anything he could have ever imagined. Every hair on his entire body stood on end and his teeth were clenched so hard that he was sure they could crack. His muscles went from quivering to shaking but he still held on. A heat that started at his hands quickly spread through him until it felt like he was on fire and he felt blood start to drip from his nose and ears.

"You fool you'll die with me!" Lucifer screamed around the tar that was beginning to ooze from his lips. He felt himself start to break apart, felt as the tar in his veins and throat began to boil and knew that he wasn't going to be the victor.

Angel never waivered just held strong and focused everything he had on what was happening. Pain erupted from his wings, every feather felt like it was being plucked out. A scream burst out of his mouth as he was engulfed in light and a second later the light erupted. It was so bright and so hot that he couldn't breath or see, a shockwave exploding from him and Lucifer. And then there was nothing.

He looked at his shaking hands before glancing around and seeing no one. He had done it. He had destroyed the devil. A small smile appeared on his face as blood began to fill his mouth and run down his chin. Unable to stay upright anymore he dropped to his knees and fought the dizziness and darkness that was trying to overtake him.

One. Two. Three breaths passed through his stained lips before he fell backwards onto the earth Father had created so long ago. His eyes stared at the clouds and peace settled over him, a small whisper of wind playing across his face as the light in him was finally snuffed out.

_But I've seen your flag on the marble arch,_

_Our love is not a victory march,_

_It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah_

Buffy was over halfway there when she saw the light and faltered slightly. Hoping for a miracle that he would still be there she ran harder only to trip and stop when a horrible emptiness started to spread through her filling her veins with ice. "No," she whispered. That wasn't even a possible outcome, there was no way he….. Trying to ignore what she already knew was true she began sprinting towards the park.

She burst into the clearing and looked around for any sign that Angel was here or had been. A lone figure on the other side caught her attention and she ran forward as fast as she could to get to him.

Angel was lying on his back in the grass with his large black wings splayed to his sides. His hands were resting by his sides and his face was completely lax. Confusion engulfed her at his completely unharmed body but it disappeared when she noticed the blood coating the inside of his mouth and teeth and the sluggish drip of the crimson liquid down his cheek.

"Angel?" Buffy whispered when she dropped down next to him. When he didn't respond she grabbed his shoulders to shake him slightly. "Angel?" she asked again in a hysterical voice. But he didn't answer, just laid there. "Answer me Angel!" she screamed but with every shake his head just hung limp.

Tears flowed down Buffy's face as she threw herself on top of him and sobbed into his chest. "Please no. Please," she whispered to his face and looked away from his unseeing ebony eyes. She didn't even notice Giles, Willow, and Xander standing around the dead angel and her with distraught faces.

Xander stared at the angel before looking at Giles, "Is he…?"

He nodded and released a sad sigh, "I believe so."

Xander swallowed and nodded as he hugged Willow when she began to cry, "This feels wrong."

"I don't think an angel's death is supposed to feel right Xander. No matter if we agreed with him or his decisions he was still an angel of the lord."

Everyone stood still and watched their best friend cry over the loss of her love until Giles noticed two figures approaching out of the trees. One was Spike who wore a solemn expression, his shoulders slumped and eyes suspiciously bright. The other man towered over him and looked very old. He was at least seven feet tall and was dressed in a loose white robe. It had some holes and the sash was frayed but still looked almost regal. The man had the whitest hair he had ever seen and deep lines on his tan and weathered face. His eyes were bright green and stood out dramatically despite being buried under tan skin and white hair.

_Maybe there's a God above,_

_But all I've ever learnt from love,_

_Is how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya_

Everyone stepped back as the huge man and Spike walked over to Angel. Buffy looked at them both with her tear stained face and allowed Spike to help her up and pull her away from her mate. The large man leaned down with a small smile and picked up Angel's limp form, the angel's wings dragging slightly on the ground as his head lolled to one side. "Liam, Liam, Liam," the man quietly whispered, his tone carrying hints of pride and amusement.

"What happened?" Buffy whispered, as she looked at Angel who for once appeared very small and childlike.

It was Spike who answered in a strained tone, "He killed Lucifer. He killed his dad." Moisture gathered in his eyes but he blinked it away quickly, "Burnt himself out it looks like. He used everything he had and was to destroy him, ended up destroying him too."

Buffy nodded and stepped forward to look at Angel who was draped over the large man's arm. She leaned over and gently kissed his cheek, "Goodbye my Angel, I love you."

The huge man looked down at her sad face as a broken hiccup escaped her swollen lips, "Be strong child. Everything happens for a reason." She tried to nod but instead just began to cry harder, the dead feeling inside of her spreading and engulfing her soul. She felt an arm over her shoulder and turned into Xander's chest where she clenched her fists in his shirt and continued to cry.

Spike watched her with a heartbroken expression as he resumed his place next to the man and they started to walk away. Giles finally spoke when they were a few feet away. "Who are you?"

The huge man turned and smiled kindly, his whiskers lifting around his mouth. "You know who I am Rupert," he said in an amused voice before disappearing with Spike.

_It's not a cry that you hear at night,_

_It's not someone who's seen the light,_

_It's a cold and broken hallelujah_

Everyone stood in awe at the scene that had just unfolded until Buffy's legs gave out. Xander grabbed her tightly and lifted her into his arms to carry her home. She didn't even realize she was being carried until he carefully placed her in her bed at her house. "I'll be downstairs if you guys need anything," he said quietly as Willow nodded and climbed into the bed next to her heartbroken friend.

Buffy sobbed into her pillows that still smelt of spice and fresh rain, of Angel. Every tear that dripped from her face a dream that would never come true. She reached over to her dresser and grabbed the lone feather still sitting and pressed it to her chest over her broken heart.

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah_


	19. Chapter 19

Buffy waived happily to Willow as she walked away from her to head towards her next class at UC Sunnydale. As soon as the redhead was gone her smile fell and she allowed her posture to slump as she stared down at the sidewalk. Even after two years it was still hard to be remotely happy. Sure she acted fine around everyone to keep them from worrying but inside the pain was just as bad as it was the day she found her angel dead. Some days were of course better than others but for the most part she plastered on a fake smile and went through the motions just trying to get to the next day.

Someone bumped into her and she turned to mumble an apology but they were already gone. With a groan she turned back around but paused when she noticed a black object stuck in a bush. With instant feelings of sadness and relief she walked over and plucked a huge black feather from the shrub. She sighed heavily and fought the tears that threatened to come as she slid her fingers over the silky object from the base to the tip. It seemed whenever she was having truly bad day she would find a black feather.

She had found a small one stuck on the outside of her bedroom window after she had defeated The Master, and a down feather appeared in front of her on the sidewalk after she defeated her mom's psychotic robotic boyfriend. A large one was found sitting on a picnic table after she blew up her high school and killed the mayor who had turned into a gigantic snake and now a large one was found stuck in a bush after her stressful first day at college.

A part of her knew it wasn't Angel but the other part of her liked to think it was, that he was some how watching over her and offering silent strength when she needed it. "Angel," she whispered softly as she carefully stuck the feather in her bag to take home to put with the rest.

A sudden breeze caught her attention and she held down her hair when it began to blow harder. Her golden locks flew across her face and she fought to hold them down. When she finally pushed her hair back behind her ears her attention was grabbed by a lone figure walking down the sidewalk about a half block in front of her. Her heart started to pound at the familiar walk and broad frame but her mind warned her that it wasn't him. That for the umpteenth time in the last two years her mind was just playing tricks on her. With a heavy heart she turned away and walked back towards he dorm room.

The next day was unfortunately a repeat of the first and after a long night next to a snoring room mate her mood wasn't any better than before. Between getting yelled at, getting lost, and learning one of your professors was called the 'evil bitch-monster of death' this year was already proving to be horrible. With a heavy heart she sat down on a bench and stared up at the night sky not even worrying about vamps because at least then she would have something to do and think about. Before she realized she was even doing it she was talking. She knew the words were never received but it still felt nice sometimes to act like Angel was still there.

"Another horrible day, I don't know how I'm supposed to get through this. I'm the slayer; I fight everything evil yet I'm scared of a college campus. I guess we all have fears though, like losing the one person you care about most in the world," she finished quietly.

As she stared down at her feet she noticed a small black feather stuck under her shoe. With sudden feelings of anger she leaned down to pick it up. Why must this keep happening? Why did she have to suffer and have these feathers keep appearing that made everything better and worse at the same time. A whisper of flapping wings met her ears and with slight trepidation she looked up.

Her jaw dropped as moisture gathered in her eyes and dripped off her long eyelashes. "Angel?"

The feather she had picked up was tightly clenched in her fist as she stared at her mate who had suddenly appeared in front of her. He looked exactly like when he left, same exact black shoes, black pants, white shirt, and leather jacket. Her heart started to pound in her chest and her breaths started coming in shallow pants as he took a few hesitant steps towards her. He stopped a few feet away and stuck his hands into his pockets as he smiled cautiously. "Hey Buffy," he whispered.

More tears began to flow down her face and when she leaned to one side Angel was suddenly on the bench next to her holding her tightly. "Don't cry slayer, I'm back." She clenched her hands around the edge of his jacket and cried into his shirt, words never forming on her lips.

Figuring she wasn't going to get it together soon he wrapped his arms around her tightly and flew to her dorm room where he lied down on her bed and held her tightly. Finally after a while she lifted her head and just stared at his handsome face.

"Is this real?"

He nodded once as he took in her features, features that he thought he would never get to see so closely again.

"How?"

He lifted his head and kissed her forehead, "I remember killing my dad, then tasting blood, then nothing. Then I just seemed to wake up. I've obviously never died before so I never knew but apparently I can't die. I guess as the antichrist you just come back after you die. Would have been nice to know that before hand."

She sniffled and wiped her hands across her cheeks to push away the salty tears, "How long have you been back?"

A shadow passed over his face as he looked away, "The entire time. I was only dead for a few days."

Buffy tried to jerk away as hurt and anger flooded through her but he held her tightly to him, "Let me explain." He continued holding her firmly until she finally relaxed and he released her. "I came back but I was forbidden from seeing you. I had a task to complete and I finally did. Father didn't want me distracted."

"Where have you been?" she asked.

"Hell." Her eyes widened but he shook his head. "Not like that. With Lucifer gone someone had to run hell. The job ended up being mine until I could find a replacement. Someone who could rule but not someone who would become power hungry."

Her forehead creased in confusion, "Why aren't you just running it? Isn't it sort of your birth right?"

He pursed his lips together and shook his head, "Father thought it wouldn't be good for me to be there unattended forever. Because of… what I am… he thinks if I spend long periods of time there I'll turn into what my dad did."

"Definitely don't want that," she said with wide eyes.

"No," he agreed. "It was better to just choose someone else."

She lowered her hand and played with the side of his hair, "So who did you choose?"

"Azrael, the archangel of death. He's a neutral so it should work out nicely. Demons and angels alike respect him and his position so I don't think there should be very much retaliation. He's one of the few who can live in both worlds without the risk of corruption."

She sat up and climbed onto his lap, straddling him and meeting his dark eyes. "I can't believe you're here."

A soft smile spread across his lips, "Me either. I've wanted to see you so badly but every time I got close Father would yell at me."

"You sound like a little kid," she laughed.

A deep chuckle filled the room, "I feel like one, ever since everything happened he's tightened my leash quite a bit. I had to sneak feathers to you when he wasn't paying attention."

"So that was you, not just my imagination?" she asked as tears once again filled her eyes. "All those feathers when I was having a bad day?"

He nodded, "Every single one. I was always there watching and it killed me to not be there for you." His eyes drifted away from hers and he looked ashamed, "I'm a horrible mate."

"Don't say that. You had important things to do. But everything's done right? You don't have to leave anymore?"

He rolled her underneath him and stared down at her beautiful face, "I still have to monitor hell and help Azreal but I can visit often." He pulled off his shirt and smashed his lips to hers as his wings appeared; "Now I think that's enough talking for now."

As he kissed and nipped down her neck with his hand laid over his mark on her hip she gazed at his wings, or more specifically the streak of silver near the tip on the right one. A content smile covered her face as she threaded her fingers in her angel's thick black hair. "Angel?"

He lifted his head and her smile grew at his completely black eyes. "Hmm?"

"I love you."

He smiled brightly as his wings flapped slightly in pleasure, "I love you too. Now let me prove it to you."


End file.
